so long and farewell

Well, bliggity bloggers, it's time to say goodbye.

But just for 18 months. While I've decided not to have a mission blog where a family member posts my weekly letter, I fully intend on sinking myself back into this blog when I finish my full-time mission for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Here's to hoping blogging is still a relevant thing when I return.

These last few weeks have been some of the weirdest of my life. I feel like I've been stuck in limbo, almost unsure of my identity. I mean, am I a missionary? Am I a student? I don't really know. Seeing all my friends start school again and knowing I wasn't there with them proved much harder than I expected. It turns out I really love BYU and all the friends I've made these past two years (no surprise there). While I know the school will still be there when I return, as will many of the friends, I also know a lot will have changed. Though I'm already excited to meet those new friends I'll make in a couple years, I'm very aware of the friends that will have moved on. In good ways, of course. I'm bidding adieu to one of the best roommates ever, Kate, because she gets to move in with her best roommate ever and love of her life, Jared. Most of the time I think "Yay, I'm so happy for her!" but every once in a while I want to sabotage everything just so I can keep her a few more years.

But one thing that's proved comforting during goodbyes is knowing I'll see people again. For those friends I'm so incredibly close to, it's not that difficult to say goodbye because I realize that these are friends I'll be in contact with for the rest of my life. And sorry this is all so cheesy, but it's my last post for a year and a half and I think I deserve some cheese, don't you?

I'm not even going to talk about or think about saying goodbye to my family, because we're all in denial and acting as if our lives won't change forever in 2 days. Suffice it to say I might give the weather forecast on Wednesday (rain) a run for it's money.

I mean, today at breakfast I couldn't even hold it together as we ate french toast. And there's something to be said when you cry 10+ times during sacrament meeting, including in the middle of the primary program when they're singing that super annoying song that's basically just "never forget to pray" repeated over and over again and you're like, "please make it stop", but the next thing you know you're crying because, by golly you should never forget to pray! Or how about when the kids sing "I am a child of God" and tears are suddenly streaming down your face as you think, "I am a child of God!"

I guess all I'm saying is that I really love my family and my school and my friends and my life I'm leaving behind, so I promise you I wouldn't be doing this if I a) didn't know this church was true, and b) didn't know that a mission is exactly what God wants for me right now.

So long, my good and faithful blog. I'm off to gain some more scope for the imagination.

the long and short of it

If this summer had an official name, it'd probably be something like "Wasting My Life Away And Having An Epiphany Every Other Day That I'm Wasting My Life Away".

But really.

Today was supposed to be so productive and full of things that really need to happen, but then it wasn't. I suppose I babysat Amalie to help Trina be productive, so that counts for something, right? But then out of the blue I have get this headache that decides to just stick around for a while. And now it's after 8 and I haven't eaten dinner but nothing really sounds good right now. Actually, a lot sounds good right now, but nothing that sounds good also sounds worth the effort - you know the days? So who knows if I'm even going to eat dinner tonight.

But enough with the moaning. I want to tell you about my weekend, because it was one of the best ever, one of those weekends where you're just like, "that was precisely what I needed" and you begin the week feeling rejuvenated and whole.

The 4th of July is probably one of my favorite holidays, but I never remember that until it comes around and then I think, "oh that's right - I love this day!", which is always a pleasant surprise, I suppose. It's full of food and family and usually a fair amount of outdoor fun, and those things are the absolute best, in my book.

Thursday started with work, but I didn't even mind all that much. Afterwards I got ready lickety-split and was able to catch the end of the parade, and then for lunch there was a barbecue with ward friends and boy do I like them. The afternoon/evening was spent in Alpine with my family hosting our very first Lewis gathering in our new house. Which, if you know Lewis gatherings, is quite the event. This was awesome in and of itself because we were never able to play host in our old house because we lacked the entertainment space, but now we've got it and finally being able to do that was a wonderful feeling. We ate delicious food and played volleyball in the backyard and in the evening after everyone had left, just the immediate family headed over to a park to watch fireworks. We were there because that was one of the designated places in Alpine that fireworks were allowed, but honestly I think that's how it should be every year because it was just this big firework fest that of families sharing their fireworks in a totally unorganized fashion and I loved it.

I had work off Friday, which meant I was able to spend the night at home, which honestly meant so much and made me enjoy my 4th so much more, knowing I didn't have to race back to Provo that evening. I woke up to a phone call from best friend Christian inviting me to go to Deer Creek with his family and spend the day on their waverunners. And really, can you say no to that? So that's just what I did, and it was so wonderful. Cafe Rio and Harry Potter in the evening with my family, so enough said.

Saturday morning my family went to the temple to do baptisms, and it was Cami's first time. Boy oh boy was that amazing. What an experience to be there with the people I love the most, and to see Cami there for the first time. Needless to say, we were all emotional. IHOP afterwards where Natalie was in one of her silly moods, and let me tell you - those are the best. Star Trek in the afternoon with friends and back to Provo. Sunday was wonderful as well, as it always is.

You know the biggest realization I came to this weekend? My family members are my favorite people in the whole world. Given the choice of who to hang out with, I would honestly choose them. I'm lucky enough not only to love my siblings and parents, but to like them as well. I would hang out with them over my friends any day because I get along with them the best, and I genuinely enjoy their company. I don't know how many people in the world can say that, but there sure are a lot that can't, and I'm so grateful I'm able to. I brought this up to my sister and she pointed out how much that says about the way our parents raised us. She's right, of course - so thanks, Mom and Dad.

Anyway, this summer is turning out to be one of the best ever, despite a lot of challenging things. I'm learning more about hard work and self-discipline than ever, and I'm grateful for these experiences. Life is good, despite this headache.

mixed berry pie and volleyball

Five days ago I started working at the BYU Bakery making desserts. That's right - my official title is legitimately "Dessert Specialist", aren't you jealous? You should be, because there are some days where they "mess up" some mixed berry pies by making them "too sweet" and so then I end up having a delicious breakfast (that's really bad for me but yolo and stuff).

And this week has been full of mixed emotions. I mean, my alarm goes off at 4am so I can make sure I have enough time to ride my bike across campus and get there by 5, when my shift starts. And that's just, you know, awful. Because there's no scenario where waking up at 4am 5 days a week all summer is enjoyable, there just isn't. And sometimes I think to myself, "Why in the world did you take this job?" and then I think of how this is going to be the next three months of my life and I almost lose it. But then once I get there and am making things, it's awesome. Because where else can you make 43 sheets of brownies for the missionaries at the MTC? And food - I mean, you all know that's my favorite. 

So then when I get off my shift around 9 or 10 and ride back through campus I'm thinking "Wow! People are just waking up and I've already accomplished so much!". And I have this super cute beach cruiser bike I'm borrowing from my sister for the summer, which is awesome (and really bad with hills, since I know you were wondering what the bike to work is like). But then I get home and cancel out all that good by taking a nap. And once I wake up I'm like "What's the point of getting ready if I'm not even going to be able to socialize tonight since I have to get to bed early?", so I sort of mope about how awful my life is. 

But it's not. And I know that. And I really am so so grateful I have the opportunity to work at the bakery. The job itself is not at all bad - I really really like it, I like the people I work with, and I like dessert. Really I just need to get used to this schedule and figure out what works for me. Also working at a bakery is awful for trying to stay healthy because 1) "messed up" dessert, and 2) my shift covers the best time to work out. But, you know, I'll figure it out. Eventually. 

In other news, nothing. This week was all about work. 

Okay I guess that's a bit of an exaggeration. My brother Garrett graduated from high school last night, which is awesome. And also last weekend was so wonderful and Monday the Lewis family played 7 full games of backyard volleyball (this is a really big deal that I participated in all of them because the rest of my family happens to be athletic prodigies and I'm the one who makes a fool of herself most of the time). BUT. I just went for it (growth mindset, yo), and it was so fun. Lots of rounds such as married vs. non-married, and Lone Peak vs. the world (half of our families live in Alpine and attend Lone Peak). Also, COOKIES. That wasn't the name of a round of volleyball or anything, but we had literally hundreds of cookies leftover from my cousin's farewell the day before (and that's not even a misuse of the word literally). 

Anyway, life is good, dessert is good, and family is good. The end.

content in a blissfully happy sort of way

Tonight I went up to Alpine for dinner with the family at my Aunt and Uncle's house (where my family is currently residing while in the process of moving). It was an absolutely delicious meal and we decided to eat it out on the back patio, and my oh my was it perfect. There were quite a few moments throughout the night when I just had to sit back and think "This is incredible. This is real and this is love and this is happiness." Because it was.

There was the moment when we were all dying of laughter as Garrett described running into a glass door in an office building. Or when Natalie tried to convince us she could read minds. Or when everyone sort of lulled about afterward and I leaned against the railing and looked out over that beautiful hometown of mine and felt so much gratitude for growing up in such a wonderful place. Or when we all went on an evening walk to the new house and Katrina and I cuddled and giggled in bed like we used to back when we were 10. Or when we all sang a hymn and said a prayer together.

Or when we were leaving and in saying goodbye I gave everyone at least one hug and there were kisses from Mom and Dad telling me he was proud of me and I almost got teary-eyed because there was so much love in that room and there is so much love in my life and how lucky am I?

I live such a blessed life. It's moments like these that make me realize that, and moments like these that encourage me to keep on through the drudgery of finding a job and everything that comes with daily life.

These are the moments that make life so incredibly worth it, you know?

auntie anna.

I didn't know it was possible to be this obsessed with one person.

truth is

My life is pretty much the same most days.

Occasionally I slip in something fun and exciting. But truthfully, most days I wake up later than I mean to, rush out the door, talk to people for 4 hours, come home, and finish the book I started at work that day.

Most days I just look like this.

Which is cool and stuff. I don't mind (don't mind reading so many books, either. it's quite the delight).

Here's some words of wisdom for you all before I part though:

If you're going to pay money so that when people call you they can enjoy "music while your party is reached", at least pick a good song, okay? Because picking anything akin to the Cotton-Eye Joe or music that would be played in a marching band festival is NOT A GOOD CHOICE.

Also, my sister is pregnant, just in case you were wondering. You could say I'm ecstatic (that might be an understatement though).

i like the way she puts this

"I have spent far too few moments treasuring the beauty of familiarity. The thought struck me late the other night when I was in the bathroom, cutting my husband's hair. I don't know why it struck me then. I've done it countless times before. But this time, somehow the simple intimacy of knowing exactly how he likes his hair and snipping my clippers accordingly while he watched me in the mirror seemed profound. There is something to be said about sharing your life with someone. Growing up and growing old together. Raising your children. That idea is often romanticized by stories and movies, but amidst the day to day living of that life, the appreciation for it can be lost.

To be truly known by someone, with all facets of your past and present, your weaknesses and strengths exposed and still loved. That is beautiful. And getting to watch the little boy that I have with that someone, grow in his own familiarity with the world and with us, it's a bigger experience than the small words I have can describe. What a privilege it is to be the one that he knows better than anyone. And to experience the seemingly insignificant day-to-day of growing old together with someone. To me there's nothing, even in the constant stream of new and exciting, that could top or fulfill as much as that warm familiarity."

-Sydney, from The Daybook

I look forward to the time when I'll get to have that with someone, too. It'll be nice.

mommy

My mother isn't here right now, but visiting her mom in Oregon.

You know what I would do right now if she were here?

I would give her a great big bear hug, kiss her soft cheek that only she has, and smile real big at her. Then I'd tell her how smart she is. How beautiful. How talented. How kind and sweet and caring and selfless. How important to me. I'd tell her how she's been the most incredible mother in the whole word and continues to be so. That I love her, and I think the way her kids have turned out is proof that she's done a spectacular job with raising us.

Then we would go shopping. We'd drive up to City Creek and walk around the mall. And we'd go shopping at our favorite stores. I would get sick of shopping after exactly 20 minutes, and she would tell me we need to keep going. So then we'd switch to me telling her stories about my day and my friends and school and life while she looked around and pulled clothes off the rack saying, "This?" I'd pause my story only to reply with "Yes", "No", or "Ehhh?" And then I'd try the clothes on and after I'd come out and tell her which I loved best and I'd look at the price tag and say she doesn't have to buy me any, I'm really doing fine with what I have. And she'd just walk up to the cashier and buy my favorites and tell me she doesn't do enough for me which is a complete lie because she does everything for me.

Then we'd go eat some Panda Express and continue shopping. But of course I'm completely beat with anything besides accessories so we'd mostly just walk and look. We'd go home and spontaneously stop to get some frozen yogurt at Orange Leaf and we'd sit on that one orange couch and talk about life's mysteries. I would tell her my thoughts on love, and she'd add her experience and wisdom. We'd stay long after we finished our treats, and eventually go home. I'd give her another hug and tell her yet again how much I love her.

Because I really do.

consequently

Boy, am I sore.

My family and I just returned from a wonderful camping trip down to Zion's. Only a few major hitches to the plan: Trina got sick and couldn't come, so consequently my mother and Cami stayed home as well. That made it me, my dad, Garrett, Natalie, and Tanner.

It was still a blast, mind you. Unfortunately our plan to hike the Subway from top-down (which included about 4 pools of ice cold water to swim through) was thwarted when we found 3-4 inches of snow at the trailhead. We opted to hike bottom-up, which was just as long and probably more grueling in many cases.

Consequently, my body is aching all over today. It feels good in a lot of ways, but hurts so much when I walk down stairs or lower myself into a chair.

I have missed pretty much every review for my finals that start tomorrow, and consequently have all but given up. Instead, I'm gorging myself on goldfish and the last of the cadbury eggs while writing a blog post (ps, not really, mom. i'm still going to study and stuff soon).

My beloved car has died. The one I drove for half of high school, the one who took us off-roading. The one that I ate many a snoasis in. The one that was perfect for warm summer evenings when you could just let your arms hang out the open top (and feet, too, if you really wanted) and cruise to the sweet melodies of Ingrid. Yeah, he's dead. Indie (Indiana Jones) is gone. For good. Apparently there was much smoking and stuff when he drew his last breaths. I only wish I could have said goodbye. Especially to his smell, because there is nothing quite like it.

Consequently, I'm currently going through withdrawls. How am I supposed to enjoy the summer without Indie? I don't even remember how I did it before he came into our lives. I'm pretty sad about it, if you can't tell. I mean, I'm posting this on my blog.

The school year is almost over. Consequently, I'll be moving back home and saying goodbye to a lot of people. Including my roommate. Remember when she posted this? That was just a small taste of how incredible she is. How many of you could honestly say your roommate would do the same for you (it doesn't count if your roommate is your spouse, ok)? She's pretty much the best. Like I said earlier, we're pretty different. But we are so perfectly suited as roommates. I'm nervous I've been completely spoiled this year and next year will be a big slap in the face. I've been so blessed and lucky, and I'm really grateful the Lord put me here in Helaman, in this building, in this room.

Also, I don't understand some people. So when you figure the human race out, let me know. For now I'll just try to muddle through and make things work.

My Freshman year is all but finished. Consequently, I've realized I really need to figure out what to do with my life. I've been an open major for a full year, and while people tell me not to stress, there is a necessary amount of stress I should be feeling. I'm trying to find something

a) I'm good at

b) There's a need for in this world

c) I love

I'm also trying to figure out what I think about when I'm not thinking about anything.

I'll let you know when I've figured this out.

Aha

Sometimes conversations at the dinner table go something like this:

"What if you named all your children after geographical landmarks?"

"Plateau, River, Butte."

"'Uh... Is Butt Lewis in class?' '...It's actually butte.'"

It's good to be home.

My bed is so comfy it's ridiculous

Why do I have all this extra memory foam on my bed?? It makes getting out of bed for classes that much more difficult. And right now, I have zero desire to go learn about geography and writing stuff that I probably already know. Boo.

GUYS THIS BED IS SERIOUSLY SO LUXURIOUS.

In other news, I am leaving for a road trip today with the fam. Party on, I'm seriously pumped.

No, I'm not kidding. Road trips in my family are a blast (at least, I think so). Especially now that most of us are older so there's no (read: only a little bit of) immature poking and quarreling over seats. And not to mention we can play "When I went to Grammy's house..." because we're actually going to Grammy's this time. Oh and don't forget the fact that my family bought an ipad?? What? Yeah, I know. I was surprised, too. Who'd have thought my dad would spend money?! Oh, AND. We're watching HP 7.1 tonight and 7.2 tomorrow when we finish up the drive.

8 of us. 8 seats. It's gonna be rockin.

Also, I get to go crabbing on Friday. Which is pretty much a dream my family has always had. Really, every time we go to a state with good crabbing possibilities, we want to go. But either we're not there during the right season, or it's too cold, or we're too busy, or something else comes up.

But not this time! It's a done deal, and we're so excited. We're big seafood lovers in my family.

Ahh. This BED.

Seriously. You don't even know.

retard.

Generally speaking, I would consider myself to be a passive person; when presented with a frustrating situation, I can usually laugh it off. However, just because I don’t react in an outward form, does not mean that my feelings are any less passionate than another. I simply purse my lips and stay silent, because I feel that my opinion will mean nothing to others, and their loud voices will quickly override mine. Because of this, it could be surprising to know that every time I hear the word “retard”, inner turmoil ensues. Typically, I want to do one of two things: politely ask them to use some other, less derogatory term, or slap them across the face (this feeling is reserved for those who blatantly use the word in reference to a mental disability).

When I was seven, my mother had her fifth child. It was quite the affair for me; last time I’d gained a sibling, I was merely four years old, and didn’t have much to remember about the pregnancy or birth. So it was with the anticipation and excitement only a seven-year-old could have that I drove to the hospital with my family. I remember the moment distinctly. We were traveling an overpass when my dad, more taciturn than usual, told us. He used these words to describe my new little sister: beautiful, healthy, and special. In my naïve mind, I remember being confused as my dad explained how she was going to be different. I couldn’t understand what he was trying to say, much less why he was tearing up about it. Down syndrome? What was that, anyway? Slowly, it began to dawn on me. I was able to piece together what little experience I had with the mentally disabled; instances in the lunchroom where I had incomprehensively laughed along with my friends. Was my sister going to end up in a wheelchair, sitting in the corner of the cafeteria, the brunt of crude jokes? Before I knew it, I was crying, too.

As the years have passed, I’ve come to understand the mentally disabled much morethan I did that January day. My sister is nothing more complicated to me than that – a sister. She is not my sister with Down syndrome, my younger sister who is different, or the sister who is handicapped. She is simply my sister - she is Cami. The love I feel for her is no different than the love I feel for anyone else. She has brought a closeness and happiness into our family that we often take for granted. It has forever altered my life and my perspective of the world around me. Now I have a strong opinion of the use of the word “retard”.

As Soeren Palumbo put it, “In such an era of political correctness, why is it that retard is still ok?” Soeren, sibling of a girl with a mental handicap, delivered a powerful speech in March 2007 to his high school regarding the word “retard”,much of what I say is inspired by that speech. He told a story of two girls in his school who saw a young man washing the windows of their school. The first remarked, “I think it’s so cute that our school brings in the black kids from around the district to wash our windows.” The second then turned and said, “Hey Negro! You missed a spot!” Tell me, does this hit home at all? Are you appalled that these girls were able to get away with such a remark? You should be. However, let me add in one important detail - the girls did not say “Negro”, and the boy was not black. Instead, he was someone with a disability, and they called him “retard”. Had it indeed been an issue or racism, the boy could have turned around and defended himself. He could have turned around and explained how wrong racism is.

As Soeren put it, “Discrimination against those who can defend themselves, obviously, cannot survive. What would be far worse is if we discriminated against those who cannot defend themselves.”

The true definition of the word “retard” is, according to Webster’s Dictionary, “to make slow; delay the development or progress of; hinder”. By the fourth definition, a slang term has been reached: “a. a mentally retarded person. b. a person who is stupid, obtuse, or ineffective”. In a simple few lines, the word morphs into something ugly. If the word retarded was associated with the mentally disabled because they develop slower than the norm, what is it then saying about using the word “retard” to refer to something stupid in general?

It is not the word “retard” itself that offends me and so many others, but the abuse of it. One could argue that the word “Negro” means “black” in Spanish, and they only refer to the color of their skin when using this term to describe an African-American. Still, the historical abuse of the word has altered it’s definition into crude name-calling. To say someone is mentally retarded is, indeed, correct; mentally, they function slower. However, history has corrupted the word “retard”.

You may say to yourself, “I would never call someone with a disability a retard. I would never make fun of their differences.” Where then, is the line?

If it is accepted that the word “retard” is a degoratory term used to identify the mentally handicapped, “retarded” must then be accepted as a word that describes such a person. Describing something as “retarded” is then the equivalent of saying “That’s autistic”.

Does it make it excusable to add a simple two letters to the world “retard”? Is the meaning and connotation completely changed when you say “That’s retarded”? Urban Dictionary is an online dictionary that acknowledges and defines the connotations associated with words in today’s slang. The definition it lends for retard is “A person born with a mental condition . . . [who] will usually suffer a lot of ridicule from society . . . Those who choose to make fun . . . tend to be complete morons.” Nice, right? Makes you feel all warm and cozy inside because you know there are good people in the world who definitely understand the delicacies of the word. Look then, at the definition they lend for the world “retarded”: “An ‘unofficial’ (not recognized by dictionaries) slang descriptor of a person/thing/action/object . . . which is more or one of the following”, going on to list literally hundreds of descriptors, such as: “a waste of time, babyish, brainless, common, hopeless, insignificant, laughable, mediocre, lame, unsatisfactory, and worthless”. Worthless.

In today’s world, the younger generation uses the word “retarded” to describe a number of things. A teacher grades a test in unfairly and the student says “It’s retarded”. A girl forgets to come to a meeting at an appointed time and hurriedly explains, “Sorry, I’m retarded.”

Of course, the incorrect use of the word “retarded” is not an ultimatum, and I am sure some people do use it correctly - to describe something that is slower than normal. Perhaps you are one of those people who do not associate the word with the mentally disabled, consciously, or subconsciously.

Remember then, that others may still associate it as such. Remember then, that someone with a personal relationship with a mentally disabled child may be standing nearby. Remember that, still worse, someone who holds the handicap themselves may be listening; someone who has heard that word used as a derogatory term against themselves. Someone who has had to endure ridicule and jokes throughout their lives. Someone who will never have the same opportunities you have because of their circumstances. Someone who’s level of love is so high you and I will never be able to comprehend it.

Historically, it was politically correct to refer to an African-American as a Negro; it was what they asked to be called. And later, when that word no longer was a simple identifier, but a derogatory reference, they asked for the term Blacks. Now, the term deemed politically correct is African-Americans. Meanings change as time passes, and history taints a word’s connotation. The mentally handicapped alone are unable to speak up. They alone are unable to ask for a correction to how they are referenced, to ask for a recall on a word that is now hateful and ugly. Instead, it becomes the duty of those who care for, love, and know these people.

Fashionably Late.

Ha. Okay, so remember how I'm moving out 2 weeks from today, venturing out into a great wide world of BYU campus? Yes, well, I did actually graduate, matter of fact. And I feel like I should put some pictures up to prove it. Also, I promised Preference photos (with the dress y'all voted for) and Prom pictures too. So. Pretend that I'm still in high school for a moment and bear with me.

The winner for the dress poll was the sparkly black one. Pretty retro, eh? Even better was my awesome date, Mooney.

and my mom made that tie. sweet, huh?


all that was said to induce this picture was,
"act like you're laughing in a magazine!"

okay, i'm gonna submit this was my favorite
dance group of high school

Alright, so then there was Prom, which was pretty rockin' with Breton. I loved my dress, and my hair was perfect, thanks to this talented lady.

the hair: classy, just how i like it

the dress: also classy, and not cliche utah prom (how i like it)

the date and the dad: awesome, just how i like them

And on to graduation!

We all got ready, and I may have stolen a poster from the school hallway to hang in my house. But I made it, so I don't feel bad.



We went to Yamato's for an early dinner, and I opened a few presents.

candid and chronological.

Then we sauntered on over to the Marriott Center for the actual graduation.

appreciate how lost i look

and how awkward

I got to sit on the stand because of student council, which was totally awesome. Me and the top 30 scholars baby! Though... not apart of them. Which I'm cool with.

So then some people talked. And sang. And played their instruments. And talked some more (everything actually went surprisingly fast, considering how big my class was). And then I walked! Woot. Only apparently I walked too fast, because there are definitely more pictures on our camera of my ward friends and cousins walking than there are of me. Ha. Actually, now that I think back to it, I can't even remember the actual calling of my name and hand shaking and diploma receiving, much.


After the ceremony, I couldn't find my family for a good 15 or 20 minutes. But when I finally did, here's what I looked like:


I love this picture because it perfectly describes how I felt. This huge bouquet of flowers in my face (which I loved, they were from my yard), and a giant smile. I was so relieved to finally have it over. I loved high school, I loved the graduation ceremony. But I was just excited! I couldn't stop smiling and laughing for the longest time. Which ended up being pretty darn long, because I had the all-night party. But more of that later. Here's some other lovely pictures captured.

the best cousin and friend, daniel

the siblings

me and the g-man

me and teo (this one was taken before the ceremony)

me and nat

the extended fam

the three graduates from the lewis side: me, mckay, and katie

favorite teacher, miss. ure... or heather...

i don't really know what to call her now

me and the parents, who i love

close family

this is us

traditional awkward photo with me and kendra

hot and dangerous

we tried this the other way first, but it didn't really work out

So because it was nearly impossible to find anyone outside the Marriott Center, Alyssa, Whitney and I got all dressed up again for a couple pictures the next day.

whitney and i have this thing where we try to look gangster...

she's really good at it. me, not so much.

So when alyssa and I tried to think of some "thing" we have, the obvious answer was Harry Potter.

only we couldn't quite synchronize our jumps

So that's that! Graduation was a success. And the all-night party. Which, unfortunately, I have minimal pictures of. Ah, well. I didn't sleep once and me and Mel never showed signs of exhaustion.

I'm just glad to be moving out! In a week... even though the beginning of this post says two. Obviously, I take a while to finish posts sometimes.

Travelin' the East

So I made the mistake of telling my family I really like cemeteries, and now every time we pass one (a LOT) I hear, "Anna! Look! A cemetery!"
Every time.

Thank you to the lady at Taco Bell/KFC today that said "Okahy," and made us all laugh.

Brother-in-law is super cool because he plays along with my fish jokes.

Elmira, New York - a hidden gem (sorta). You know the line in It's A Wonderful Life when the bank examiner says "I'd like to get home to my family.... In ELIMIRA."? Yeah, my dad loves to quote that to his friend when he leaves work, saying "I'd like to get home to my family.... In (our town)." His friend thinks it's hilarious. We took a picture in front of the welcome sign. Did you know Mark Twain's remains are in Elmira? Betcha didn't. The best part of driving through was when a man with a shotgun got in his car and started following us. All of us just kept saying "sketchy" and we tried to fit the word Elmira into everyone one of our sentences.

Red-eye flight and then the morning in The Big Apple was pretty good. Except for the muggy heat. But I bought some sweet sunglasses for 5 bucks so that mostly makes up for it.

The Sacred Grove, the temple, and other church history sites were incredible. I love my family. And their testimonies. And mine. I'm so grateful.... for everything.

My little sister had to go to the bathroom "SOOO BAD!" on the way to Niagara Falls. Yeah, I know, not very good timing, huh? As we drove through the city, she kept screaming "Pull over! The bushes! I'll do anything!". We tried to explain that we were sort of in the middle of a city and that wasn't really an appropriate place to do her business in the trees. She continued, "Dad!! You're passing all these places!! There! And THERE!! THERE WAS A DUMPSTER!!!!" Yeah. Not kidding. Also, she's 14, in case you were wondering.

My brother has an alter ego: Shawmp Gilbert. To quote Shawmp: "Thy legs are as a chicken's sternum" (no, no. worry not: we don't understand it either). Shawmp's father is named McDonald DonaldMc, and Shawmp is an aspiring rapper. His father owns a cheese factory in Wisconsin, Shawmp once tried to burn it down. Shawmp has also held cow races for Betsy and Wetsy, and Wetsy failed when they hit the obstacle course.

My family is awesome.

In case you were wondering.

Two incredibly eventful things happen one month from today.

Firstly:

Yeah no really - it all ends. I would attempt to sufficiently convey my excitement/happiness/expectations/sorrow/nostalgia, but it would end up being insufficient, even if I tried.

So I won't.

Secondly:

These two lovebirds get hitched (if you don't know who "these two lovebirds" are, it's my sister and her fiance). This engagement picture is my favorite, because it's totally a candid to describe why I love them.

Oh oh oh. Also, a month from tomorrow, I turn 18. That's pretty groovy too.

So basically a month from this time-ish, I will be all smiles.

Isn't life beautiful?

pictures: via & via

Those Who Know Me Too Well

Some of you might claim to know me.

Like.... you might claim to know me better than 99% of the population.

Which is definitely true.

In fact, ALL of you know me more that 99% of the population, just because you're one of 16 people that read my blog, where I occasionally [usually] tell you random things about myself, my life, and the world I live in.

There are, however, less than 20 people in this world that know be well enough to have seen my awkward dancing.

There's my immediate family, my soon to be brother-in-law, my mom's best friend, and a couple people in my extended family.

...And that's it.

The awkward dancing. "What is it?", you may ask? Well. Occasionally, I whip out my super awkward dance moves. And I'm not talking like 'Oh, I'm being awkward!' I"m talking like you look at me and feel bad because I act like I think I'm good at dancing.

Make sense?

You know when you're at a dance and everyone randomly circles up and then people go into the middle and groove? And sometimes, you're like, "Wow. You can really dance!" or "I wish I could imitate MJ like him!" but then sometimes you also say to yourself, "Oh. I feel bad. They're okay. But not that good. Everyone's starring. Including me."

Yeah I totally do that, but on purpose.

And yes, I'm definitely aware that some people might think that even when I'm not doing official awkward dancing, but I don't really care. Because I have fun at dances and could care less if people, uh... critique my dance moves.

Last night, I totally broke out in awkward dance. At my aunt and uncle's house, surrounded by more people than ever before. It was relatively embarrassing, but totally perfect because I had on my gardening clothes that seriously just add so much to the whole awkwardness of the vision. My uncle came over after and I asked him if he had seen my dancing. He remarked that yes he had, but he looked away because he felt bad for me.

That's how awkward it is folks.

And unless I marry you, or the occasion arises when I can't resist the urge and you happen to be right there (this is not likely to happen, by the way), you're never going to see it.

So I just wrote this post to taunt you.

A list you can read if you're bored.

1. Cuddling up with an extra large blanket is one of the best feelings ever.
2. General Conference is awesome. It's so cool that everyone gets a different thing out of it, depending on what they need to hear. My favorite? Elder Bednar.
3. I'm sick today. sick sick sick. I woke up at 2 this morning feeling nauseous. Lucky me, the feeling has not left me since! Of course, I haven't actually thrown up, which is really a terrible feeling.
4. I love my mom and dad so much. What did I ever do to deserve such incredible people as my parents?
5. Prom. I'm excited for it.
6. I want to go to Decades to get a dress for #5, and also to buy some records.
7. Speaking of records, I listened to my Perry Como Christmas one today while lying in bed. This is strange for me because I typically have a strict no Christmas music rule until after Thanksgiving.
8. I'm so hungry.
9. One of the things I can't wait for next year is to spend the fall and winter close to Trina and Tanner. By then they'll be married, and we can just play on BYU campus all the time!
10. I started work again yesterday. Happy feelings, as well as some frustrating ones. I don't want to work 4 closings a week. And I don't know if I'll be able to go tomorrow. I guess we'll see, won't we?

in which i am a pirate

So there I am.

Sitting at the computer, when I get a phone call from my mom (who is elsewhere) asking me to start the mashed potatoes for dinner.

I stand up, turn to Cami, and say, "Alright. Let's go."

"Where?" She asks.

"On a boat." I improvise.

"A boat??"

"A boat." (pause) "Arrrggg!!!! Avast ye... we're going to Potato Island!"

(pause)

Cami: "Potato Island?? No."

"Yes!"

"Noooo....."

"Yes! I'll show ye!"

I run down the hall, grab a quilt, and lay it out on the floor. I then hurry to my room and get the most stick-like object I can find, which is a giant metal sunflower meant to be in a garden.

I hop onto the quilt (our ship) and promptly yell at Cami to get on. At first she is hesitant, and disbelieving, but soon she's helping me get the ship ready for our journey.

Things come out of my mouth that sound sort of like something a pirate or sailor would yell, but mostly I just scream things like "Arg!" and "Matey!" while throwing in words like "Port!" and "Mast!"

We take off.

I use the stick to propel us forward, and we steer into the kitchen after hitting some rough waves (possibly an aftershock from the earthquake/tsunami?). We the proceed to hunt for the illusive red potatoes, which possess super-pirate strength if you eat them mashed. We find two bags in the pantry and - GASP! - we even find one incredibly rare brown potato!

I turn to Cami and say, "Call me Bootstrap Bill."

"Oh" she says, "Uh..."

"Shall I call you Captain Jack??"

"No."

"Captain Barbosa??"

"No! I'm not Barbosa!"

"What then?" I inquire.

"Call me.... Captain Hooky-face!!" she yells.

So I did.

We peeled these potatoes, one by one, thirsty for our pirate strength the entire time. We cut them, we threw them in a pot, and we set them on to boil. Then Cami borrowed my wand and sealed the pot shut, so no other pirates could get to it, with her pirate magic. She said Expecto Patronum, which is definitely the wrong spell, but I forgave her because we had just finished watching Harry Potter 3.

My mom is now making shepherd's pie in the kitchen, and Cami is next to me on the fireplace. She started out as faking dead - I think she wanted me to save her. But she quickly fell asleep.

And I feel content about my day off.

it just felt good.

So Friday, I was dancin' it up at Club Tech (basically a dance party on the stage at LP), and I took the mic and turned to the guy next to me, and said, "Hey, so... want to go to Spring Fling?" And he said, "Sure." I felt good about it.

The next day, Lone Peak Boys became 5A State Champs. And I felt good about it.

Yesterday, one of my best friends, who always will be, no matter how much time passes in between our time together, came over and we talked for hours. I felt good about it.

Today, I went over to Miss. Shelby's and we ate pancakes and talked for a long time until I realized I was late for when I was supposed to be home. I felt good about it.

This evening, my family and I played Nertz for the first time in months.

I felt good about it.

day[s] 12-30:

HA! I'm finishing this.


day 12: {what's in your satchel}

eclipse gum
one dollar
a sparkly clip
lots of coins
one pencil
a pad of sticky notes
my driver's license


day 13: {this week}

Monday: was nice.
Tuesday: I started feeling sick. But it was still nice!
Wednesday: I felt really bad. Stayed home, finished my narrowdown card, turned in that and my essay, and returned home.
Thursday: Felt more sick. Watched Gilmore Girls, ate ice cream (thanks, Christian!), Roxberry, and drank many other liquids.
Friday (today): Blleeeh. Though I'm on the mend, I hope. Watched Wives & Daughters, loved it.


day 14: {what you wore today}

I've been sick for 3/4 days, so yes, I've been in my pajamas the entire time. APUSH sweats, tie-dye shirt, and Dad's old jacket.


day 15: {your dreams}

One time I had a dream my sister's boyfriend proposed to her. It was really lame. Another time, I had a dream I was in my AP Lit class on a ship and the ceiling showed the constellations and a boy told me he liked me and I shoved him and ran away and then pirates attacked and I saved everyone on board.

That wasn't lame.

As far as dreams not in sleep...

I dream of being a mom. Ultimate goal. My selfish goal is that I want to travel to Europe... actually, just travel the world. I dream of being kissed in the rain. But mostly I just dream of being a mom and marrying my Mr. Right and raising a family.


day 16: {your first kiss}

One night, a boy asked me for a goodnight kiss. I happily consented.
It was really nice.


day 17: {your favorite memory}

You know, I really have a problem being put on the spot about favorites like this. It's like someone saying "Say something funny!" Uh, sure. Now really witty lines are going to come rushing to me.

So I'll just generalize and say probably my childhood - summers in Arizona.


day 18: {your favorite birthday}

When I was really young, I had a princess party. All the guests came dressed as princesses, and my mom and dad made a huge (for us) castle made out of cardboard. How cool is that? I wish I had pictures.

My sixteenth was also one of my favorites. Maddy flew me out to AZ, and my family and friends threw me a surprise luau at the park across the street. Complete with Pina Coladas and Jo vs. the Volcano on the projector.


day 19: {something you regret}

I regret days when I'm sad, frustrated, angry, or mean. I regret the way I sometimes treat the people I love so much. I regret how I handle some situations.


day 20: {this month}

Will be great. I can feel it.

(I can't say much because February just started...)


day 21: {another moment}

One night this summer, it poured rain. The sound was so enticing, I couldn't stay in bed. So I quietly left my bedroom, walked down the hall, and opened my front door. I watched the thunderstorm from my front porch and just smiled.


day 22: {something that upsets you}

This sickness.


day 23: {something that makes you feel better}

Lipton chicken noodle soup (only that kind). My mom's cooking. My bed. Books. Laughing. My mom singing me to sleep (even though she doesn't have the most incredible voice, I love listening to her. This is totally a secret, I don't think I've ever told anyone this. And she hasn't done it for years. But I love it).


day 24: {something that makes your cry}

When I get angry and worked up about something, I cry. This makes it really hard to ever win an argument, because I just start crying and then I feel weak and I can't spit anything cohesive out of my mouth and I just falter.


day 25: {a first}

The first time I legitimately drove a car was kinda cool. Church parking lot. Then I drove up a roundabout on a hill. In the snow.


day 26: {your fears}

I'm scared of spiders.
I'm scared of scary movies.
I'm scared of the dark sometimes.
I'm scared of being kidnapped.

My worst fear though?

My worst fear is that I won't be able to have children. I fear it every day.


day 27: {your favorite place}

Home.

(and Disneyland)


day 28: {something you miss}

I miss being a kid, with virtually no cares in the world besides if I had the right crayons, and if I'd be able to play with my friends after school, and if the monsters under my bed would eat me.

Stress is no fun. Of course, I'm sure it'll only get worse from where I'm at.


day 29: {your aspirations}

I aspire:
to be a mother
to raise a family
to get to the Celestial Kingdom
to graduate college
to teach something important
to cook like my mom
to make others happy
to travel Europe
to paint something I'm so proud of
to kiss in the rain
to marry in the temple
to serve
to gain a best friendship with my Heavenly Father and Christ

day 30: {one last moment}

April 2nd, 2010.
I had just opened the most amazing letter, bearing the news that I had made Student Council. My heart could not have been happier.
We waited in the back storage room, while the whole school filed into the gym. The excitement was tangible - everyone in there had worked so hard the last month, and it had finally paid off for us.
All the lights were turned out, and we slowly shuffled forward as our new positions were announced to the school.
I stood in that doorway, striking a pose (of course) when the time came.
Strobe lights.
Booming sounds.
Screaming.
And then I heard them say my name, and it was bliss.
That moment was absolutely surreal.
I really wish I could let each one of you experience it. And maybe this is really selfish of me, being so excited about this moment, because all the emphasis is on me.
But I learned that hard work really can pay off, and if things are right, it'll happen.


30 Days: COMPLETED.