mixed berry pie and volleyball

Five days ago I started working at the BYU Bakery making desserts. That's right - my official title is legitimately "Dessert Specialist", aren't you jealous? You should be, because there are some days where they "mess up" some mixed berry pies by making them "too sweet" and so then I end up having a delicious breakfast (that's really bad for me but yolo and stuff).

And this week has been full of mixed emotions. I mean, my alarm goes off at 4am so I can make sure I have enough time to ride my bike across campus and get there by 5, when my shift starts. And that's just, you know, awful. Because there's no scenario where waking up at 4am 5 days a week all summer is enjoyable, there just isn't. And sometimes I think to myself, "Why in the world did you take this job?" and then I think of how this is going to be the next three months of my life and I almost lose it. But then once I get there and am making things, it's awesome. Because where else can you make 43 sheets of brownies for the missionaries at the MTC? And food - I mean, you all know that's my favorite. 

So then when I get off my shift around 9 or 10 and ride back through campus I'm thinking "Wow! People are just waking up and I've already accomplished so much!". And I have this super cute beach cruiser bike I'm borrowing from my sister for the summer, which is awesome (and really bad with hills, since I know you were wondering what the bike to work is like). But then I get home and cancel out all that good by taking a nap. And once I wake up I'm like "What's the point of getting ready if I'm not even going to be able to socialize tonight since I have to get to bed early?", so I sort of mope about how awful my life is. 

But it's not. And I know that. And I really am so so grateful I have the opportunity to work at the bakery. The job itself is not at all bad - I really really like it, I like the people I work with, and I like dessert. Really I just need to get used to this schedule and figure out what works for me. Also working at a bakery is awful for trying to stay healthy because 1) "messed up" dessert, and 2) my shift covers the best time to work out. But, you know, I'll figure it out. Eventually. 

In other news, nothing. This week was all about work. 

Okay I guess that's a bit of an exaggeration. My brother Garrett graduated from high school last night, which is awesome. And also last weekend was so wonderful and Monday the Lewis family played 7 full games of backyard volleyball (this is a really big deal that I participated in all of them because the rest of my family happens to be athletic prodigies and I'm the one who makes a fool of herself most of the time). BUT. I just went for it (growth mindset, yo), and it was so fun. Lots of rounds such as married vs. non-married, and Lone Peak vs. the world (half of our families live in Alpine and attend Lone Peak). Also, COOKIES. That wasn't the name of a round of volleyball or anything, but we had literally hundreds of cookies leftover from my cousin's farewell the day before (and that's not even a misuse of the word literally). 

Anyway, life is good, dessert is good, and family is good. The end.

bakery babe

It's only 9am and I've already made 13 gallons of lemon pudding this morning.

internal dialogue

"Anna if you go to bed now you will be so happy tomorrow."
"And I won't get to start Call the Midwife tonight."
"Anna it's 1 a.m., you need to stop watching this show."
"But the music! And the costumes! And the hair! And the bicycles! And the babies! And the midwifery! And the accents!"
"Okay fo reals it's 2 a.m. time to sleep."
"Nooooooo. Babies."
"IT'S 3 IN THE MORNING I'M SICK OF THIS."
"You're right. But first imma write a blog post about this."
*facepalm*

you can thank me for this later

Watch the picture and play the music and heave a little sigh with me because it's "disgustingly adorable", to quote a favorite blogger of mine. 

via

apologetic

Why do I sometimes claim to be a writer?


I'm nothing of the sort.





My apologies, friends.

how the growth mindset changed my schooling experience

For those of you who stay updated with my blog, you know I read the book Mindset over Christmas break and have been raving about it ever since. I guess it's just not very often that you read a book that truly has an affect on you and changes the way you think and act. I'm not going to pretend this was an overnight transformation, but I will say that this book has stayed with me far longer than most books do. And in the moments where I'm feeling glum, I always return back to the principles that are so beautifully explained in Mindset. Perhaps the only principles that I use more often than the mindset principles are those I've learned from the gospel and have been trying to implement my whole life.

In a post where I vaguely mentioned that having a growth mindset helped in my schooling this semester, a friend asked me to explain more in depth what I meant by that. So here's what was different for me:

1. I started out the semester with an enthusiasm for learning I hadn't had since my first semester of my freshman year. The growth mindset puts the focus on learning and growing, and I was really excited to approach my classes with that outlook, and just try to learn all I possibly could.

2. I pushed myself harder to do everything, especially the first few weeks. In my first semester here at BYU, I did the readings for maybe a week (if that), and then gave up, and ever since then I've done very few readings for my classes. But with the new approach to the semester I realized I had to try my very best in all aspects of the class, and I had to try reading again. And it worked! ...For a few weeks. As soon as midterms and papers started piling up, I will admit the reading was shoved to the side. And honestly, I think that's okay. Because I was still learning, and yes I wasn't perfect my first time. But I was better than I had been before, and that's what matters.

3. I studied to learn, not to pass a test. This is the biggest one for me, hands down. While there was, of course, a fair amount of cramming before tests, I honestly tried to study just to learn and retain information, and not to check it off a list. I used to be someone who would study to retain the information until after I passed a test, then forget it all and never think about it again. I think it's safe to say this is how a vast majority of people approach schooling, to be honest. But what a difference it made when I was reading and paying attention in class just to learn! I fell back in love with learning. A lot of this difference was made because I was in classes I truly enjoyed, and this was much harder to apply to those I wasn't as naturally drawn to. So obviously I still have things to work on. I had the same love of learning when I studied AP US History in high school, and can still to this day spout of way more random history facts than the average person. And now, after this semester, I can spout of a great deal of Human Development, Living Prophets, and Marriage Prep facts. So ask away my friends!

4. I remained more positive throughout the whole semester. By applying the growth mindset to my life, I was able to be confident and happy independent of hard things happening. My attitude was so much more consistent and stable than it had been in years (maybe I was just finally growing out of some teen hormones or something?) because it didn't fluctuate according to every circumstance in my life. My happiness was something independent of anything else, and that was refreshing. Obviously from my last post I've been sort of off in this regard as of late, and have had a harder time maintaining a positive attitude. Maybe it's time I read Mindset again.

And that's that. Those are the fundamental differences, and I feel like I covered the rest in my elaboration. Any more questions though, ask away! I obviously really enjoy talking about this. Or talking at all. I obviously really enjoy talking.

thoughts on wanderlust and discouragement and sadness and feeling claustrophobic

Wanderlust. n. A very strong or irresistible impulse to travel.

I've got it bad. I've got it so so bad, you guys. I touched on this subject before when I moaned about staying in Provo while everyone else I know travels the world it seems, but seriously I am feeling so claustrophobic. I don't know what I'm doing with my life, and it feels absolutely pointless. Which is interesting, because I thought that would really fade when I decided on my major, but it seems to have increased, if anything.

Everywhere I look I see people doing things. And while I might be doing things, I don't really feel like that doing is deserving of italics of any sort. If I could sum up my month thus far in one word, it would be discouragement. Discouragement with the job search, discouragement with myself, discouragement with my attempt to be healthy again, discouragement as I watch other people doing things I wish I could do, discouragement as I try to follow promptings and find myself reaching situations that seem to be nothing more than dead ends.

I said earlier that I feel claustrophobic. That's so true, you know. I just feel like I want to get out, like I have this wanderlust that can't be satisfied right now and it's killing me. I love Provo, and I'm not lying when I say that. I love the people here and I love my ward and I love my campus and I love my roommates and I love living in the shadow of Y mountain. But somehow all of this isn't enough to make me content right now and that's just frustrating. I want to be out doing something different and new. And oh my gosh I think I'm craving change. Who would have ever thought I'd say that? But it's true, I need a change. A change of pace, scenery, people, I don't care -- I just want it to be different than what it is now.

It's really easy to be sad sometimes. And I don't ever want to find myself being sad more often that being happy. But the past couple weeks as things have finally slowed down in my life it's like being hit all over again with some certain sadness(es) that I thought I'd recovered from. I guess I just never thought banana bread and star gazing could make me so melancholy.

And boy oh boy I'm sorry to put such a depressing post on my blog. But it needed to be said and so this is where I'm going to do it. Because I can't be the friend that calls another to do nothing more than whine -- I've been on the other line and it's the pits. It's hard feeling this way and also not wanting to be selfish and just talk about it all the time. Because I know what it's like to have someone just talk about themselves and hardly pay you any heed. So I guess that's why I'm turning to this blog.

I shouldn't feel the need to excuse myself from writing honestly, I know. But I also don't want any of you to worry. I'm fine, just getting it out of my system. Tomorrow will be kinder.

content in a blissfully happy sort of way

Tonight I went up to Alpine for dinner with the family at my Aunt and Uncle's house (where my family is currently residing while in the process of moving). It was an absolutely delicious meal and we decided to eat it out on the back patio, and my oh my was it perfect. There were quite a few moments throughout the night when I just had to sit back and think "This is incredible. This is real and this is love and this is happiness." Because it was.

There was the moment when we were all dying of laughter as Garrett described running into a glass door in an office building. Or when Natalie tried to convince us she could read minds. Or when everyone sort of lulled about afterward and I leaned against the railing and looked out over that beautiful hometown of mine and felt so much gratitude for growing up in such a wonderful place. Or when we all went on an evening walk to the new house and Katrina and I cuddled and giggled in bed like we used to back when we were 10. Or when we all sang a hymn and said a prayer together.

Or when we were leaving and in saying goodbye I gave everyone at least one hug and there were kisses from Mom and Dad telling me he was proud of me and I almost got teary-eyed because there was so much love in that room and there is so much love in my life and how lucky am I?

I live such a blessed life. It's moments like these that make me realize that, and moments like these that encourage me to keep on through the drudgery of finding a job and everything that comes with daily life.

These are the moments that make life so incredibly worth it, you know?