i like the way she puts this

"I have spent far too few moments treasuring the beauty of familiarity. The thought struck me late the other night when I was in the bathroom, cutting my husband's hair. I don't know why it struck me then. I've done it countless times before. But this time, somehow the simple intimacy of knowing exactly how he likes his hair and snipping my clippers accordingly while he watched me in the mirror seemed profound. There is something to be said about sharing your life with someone. Growing up and growing old together. Raising your children. That idea is often romanticized by stories and movies, but amidst the day to day living of that life, the appreciation for it can be lost.

To be truly known by someone, with all facets of your past and present, your weaknesses and strengths exposed and still loved. That is beautiful. And getting to watch the little boy that I have with that someone, grow in his own familiarity with the world and with us, it's a bigger experience than the small words I have can describe. What a privilege it is to be the one that he knows better than anyone. And to experience the seemingly insignificant day-to-day of growing old together with someone. To me there's nothing, even in the constant stream of new and exciting, that could top or fulfill as much as that warm familiarity."

-Sydney, from The Daybook

I look forward to the time when I'll get to have that with someone, too. It'll be nice.

Maybe I'll Marry Ron

I've always had this desire to have a red-headed child.

...Okay, actually I haven't.

But I've always loved red hair (I'm guessing some redheads would say they don't love it. Some would say they do. Either way I love it). And I secretly (or not so secretly, since I'm posting this on the internet) wish I was a redhead. A redhead like Anne Shirley (who basically inspired this blog's name, in case you were wondering).

But today since I realized I'm 1. Not a redhead, and 2. Not a wizard, so 3. Can't make number 1 come true, I don't think this dream of mine is going to happen.

Instead, I decided that I'll alter my dream to this:

I want a red-headed child.

...Is it redhead, red-head, or red head? I've never really known, seeing as how I've never typed it this many times in so small a space. Correct me, wise redheads/red-heads/red heads reading this.

Anyway, if this dream comes true then I can play with my little girl's hair (oh yeah, I think it'd be great if this redheaded child was a girl. But I'll take a boy too). And dress her in cute dresses and vicariously live through her (which probably isn't healthy) and say she looks like Anne.

Speaking of which, I've also always loved the name Anne and would love to name my little girl that, but I think it might get confusing with my name being so close and all... I guess we'll see though.

Otherwise, her name will be Amelia.

But she will not be called Amy. Just Amelia.

...And that is part of what my dream future holds. Possibly Amelia will look like this:

via

day[s] 12-30:

HA! I'm finishing this.


day 12: {what's in your satchel}

eclipse gum
one dollar
a sparkly clip
lots of coins
one pencil
a pad of sticky notes
my driver's license


day 13: {this week}

Monday: was nice.
Tuesday: I started feeling sick. But it was still nice!
Wednesday: I felt really bad. Stayed home, finished my narrowdown card, turned in that and my essay, and returned home.
Thursday: Felt more sick. Watched Gilmore Girls, ate ice cream (thanks, Christian!), Roxberry, and drank many other liquids.
Friday (today): Blleeeh. Though I'm on the mend, I hope. Watched Wives & Daughters, loved it.


day 14: {what you wore today}

I've been sick for 3/4 days, so yes, I've been in my pajamas the entire time. APUSH sweats, tie-dye shirt, and Dad's old jacket.


day 15: {your dreams}

One time I had a dream my sister's boyfriend proposed to her. It was really lame. Another time, I had a dream I was in my AP Lit class on a ship and the ceiling showed the constellations and a boy told me he liked me and I shoved him and ran away and then pirates attacked and I saved everyone on board.

That wasn't lame.

As far as dreams not in sleep...

I dream of being a mom. Ultimate goal. My selfish goal is that I want to travel to Europe... actually, just travel the world. I dream of being kissed in the rain. But mostly I just dream of being a mom and marrying my Mr. Right and raising a family.


day 16: {your first kiss}

One night, a boy asked me for a goodnight kiss. I happily consented.
It was really nice.


day 17: {your favorite memory}

You know, I really have a problem being put on the spot about favorites like this. It's like someone saying "Say something funny!" Uh, sure. Now really witty lines are going to come rushing to me.

So I'll just generalize and say probably my childhood - summers in Arizona.


day 18: {your favorite birthday}

When I was really young, I had a princess party. All the guests came dressed as princesses, and my mom and dad made a huge (for us) castle made out of cardboard. How cool is that? I wish I had pictures.

My sixteenth was also one of my favorites. Maddy flew me out to AZ, and my family and friends threw me a surprise luau at the park across the street. Complete with Pina Coladas and Jo vs. the Volcano on the projector.


day 19: {something you regret}

I regret days when I'm sad, frustrated, angry, or mean. I regret the way I sometimes treat the people I love so much. I regret how I handle some situations.


day 20: {this month}

Will be great. I can feel it.

(I can't say much because February just started...)


day 21: {another moment}

One night this summer, it poured rain. The sound was so enticing, I couldn't stay in bed. So I quietly left my bedroom, walked down the hall, and opened my front door. I watched the thunderstorm from my front porch and just smiled.


day 22: {something that upsets you}

This sickness.


day 23: {something that makes you feel better}

Lipton chicken noodle soup (only that kind). My mom's cooking. My bed. Books. Laughing. My mom singing me to sleep (even though she doesn't have the most incredible voice, I love listening to her. This is totally a secret, I don't think I've ever told anyone this. And she hasn't done it for years. But I love it).


day 24: {something that makes your cry}

When I get angry and worked up about something, I cry. This makes it really hard to ever win an argument, because I just start crying and then I feel weak and I can't spit anything cohesive out of my mouth and I just falter.


day 25: {a first}

The first time I legitimately drove a car was kinda cool. Church parking lot. Then I drove up a roundabout on a hill. In the snow.


day 26: {your fears}

I'm scared of spiders.
I'm scared of scary movies.
I'm scared of the dark sometimes.
I'm scared of being kidnapped.

My worst fear though?

My worst fear is that I won't be able to have children. I fear it every day.


day 27: {your favorite place}

Home.

(and Disneyland)


day 28: {something you miss}

I miss being a kid, with virtually no cares in the world besides if I had the right crayons, and if I'd be able to play with my friends after school, and if the monsters under my bed would eat me.

Stress is no fun. Of course, I'm sure it'll only get worse from where I'm at.


day 29: {your aspirations}

I aspire:
to be a mother
to raise a family
to get to the Celestial Kingdom
to graduate college
to teach something important
to cook like my mom
to make others happy
to travel Europe
to paint something I'm so proud of
to kiss in the rain
to marry in the temple
to serve
to gain a best friendship with my Heavenly Father and Christ

day 30: {one last moment}

April 2nd, 2010.
I had just opened the most amazing letter, bearing the news that I had made Student Council. My heart could not have been happier.
We waited in the back storage room, while the whole school filed into the gym. The excitement was tangible - everyone in there had worked so hard the last month, and it had finally paid off for us.
All the lights were turned out, and we slowly shuffled forward as our new positions were announced to the school.
I stood in that doorway, striking a pose (of course) when the time came.
Strobe lights.
Booming sounds.
Screaming.
And then I heard them say my name, and it was bliss.
That moment was absolutely surreal.
I really wish I could let each one of you experience it. And maybe this is really selfish of me, being so excited about this moment, because all the emphasis is on me.
But I learned that hard work really can pay off, and if things are right, it'll happen.


30 Days: COMPLETED.

in my dreams

Someday, I think I'll be this guy:



So. I'm kind of a creeper sometimes.

...I've been spending the last while on a blog by these girls I don't even know. They're friends of friends, who go to another school. You know!- Those people. You know their names and know funny things about them because YOUR friends know them, but you don't really share any personal relationship with them at all? Yeah, them.

Okay. So I met ONE of the girls one time at Zupas.

But that's besides the point (and a rather hilarious story in and of itself).

The point is that these two girls at a neighboring rival high school have this SWEET blog. And their lives are filled with the awesome spontaneity I wish I possessed! They write sticky notes of encouragement and put them in bathrooms, libraries, etc. They make pretty pictures full of quotes and pass them out to strangers (in a socially acceptable way, nothing weird).

And I was like, "Hey! I should be friends with them!" and "Hey! I should live more in the moment like them!" So tomorrow, I think I'm gonna sticky-note it up with Caroline Hansen.

And possibly do some other really exciting things with Caroline. [more to come on this later, i'm sure]

The end.

change

It can be frustrating.

Good. Bad. Sad. Annoying. Delightful. Heart wrenching. Joyful. [Etc.]

Generally though, I think it tends to be on the bad side. At least, when we hear the word "change" we immediately associate it with a bad connotation. Why? Because we want consistency in our lives, right?

"The most constant thing is change." - President Monson

Pretty smart guy, I think. This sentence seems ironic - change? Well, wouldn't that be the exact opposite of constant? Paradox, my friends.

Change really IS the only thing we can depend on in this life. Because no matter what, time will keep going, the day will turn to night, people will move on, your house will sell, you'll get married, etc. etc. So why do we shy away from change? Life IS change.

But change is different. Change is not comfortable. Change can be hard. Change takes us out of that wonderful bubble, that glorious circle of safety we've been rooted in for who knows how long - a week? A year? Our whole lives? No matter how much we say we accept change and like it, it's always going to be an adjustment. It might be hard. We might be scared.

Change is frightening.

We'd also be nowhere without it.

So I'm grateful for change. Because I'm grateful for progression. I grateful for the things I learn from every experience I have. Comfort does nothing for me.

Change?

Well, it changes me.

a ballerina

You know how people asked you when you were a kid, "What do you want to be when you grow up?" Typically, you replied "An astronaut!" or "A ballerina!" Or, if you were me, you replied "An actress!" And now, years down the road, you're asked "What do you want to do with your life? What are you going to major in?"

...I don't know.

I can tell you that I know I want to be a mother. My GOAL in life is to be a mother. To be that mom that cooks dinner for her husband and kids nearly every night of the week. Who does laundry, drives her kids to soccer practice and violin lessons, signs disclosure documents, and NURTURES. Because that "nurturing" instinct so often described in women -- I have that. It's what I want.

Okay. So there's half an answer.

But what am I supposed to do about the whole college situation? I'm going to college. I'm getting a degree. I'm graduating. But what should I graduate in?

I've always seen myself attending Brigham Young University. Typical Utah County child, I know. But it just makes sense to me. I'm not going to limit my options and only apply at BYU - that would be narrow-minded of me. But realistically, I know that's where I'll end up.

But THEN.

I keep getting emails and stuff in the mail from random colleges. Cal-Poly, University of Chicago, School of the Art Institute of Chicago. Cool. The nice thing would be if I knew what I was going to be studying at whichever University I choose. Because that should have a huge impact on the matter.

Yeah, yeah... I don't have to decide now. But really. There's so many options - so many things I'd LOVE to do!

I could always do something with my love for acting. Because really, I love it. But is that a dumb decision to make? To MAJOR in something that probably won't help me all that much later in life? Plus, I don't have the talent enough to make it in the big business. Not that I want to all that much.

I could go into Journalism. That's always appealed to me. But do I have any experience? Have I been apart of the school newspaper? No. Still, though... an option.
-Journalism as in newspaper, etc... OR
-BROADCAST Journalism? Oh-ho... It gets better.

Teaching. Something I've always wanted to do. Working with kids, helping them become better people. Because maybe - just maybe - I could make in impact on someone's life.
-Teach English? I like English.
-Teach History? I've recently come to ADORE history.
-Teach Art History? I'm obsessed with Art History (read below)
-Teach something else!

Art History. I love learning about old paintings, architecture, sculpture... Oh boy. I just soak it up whenever I get the opportunity. It's so appealing to me - the combination of world history and art. LOVE.

Writing. Rather unrealistic, but I like to write. I'm not all that good, but it's still an option. And hey, who cares about unrealistic, right?

I could go on.

But I think for now, I'll try not to bore you. Let's just say all this college stuff is more stressful than I thought it'd be.



I think I'll just be a ballerina.