Happy Halloween!

That's me, with the Christmas tights on.

I feel like I'm six again.

You know when you're young and you can't sleep the night before you set off for Disneyland? And when the excitement is almost unbearable on Christmas Eve, and sleep seems impossible?

That's what I feel like.

When I was little, I used to be really good at convincing myself to fall asleep. I had this routine where I would tell myself over and over again that everything to come was going to be lame. That the drive to Anaheim was going to be boring and cramped anyway, that Christmas was no big deal - open a few presents and it's over in a couple hours.

But now? I can't even try to convince myself that tomorrow is "no big deal".

I wonder if it's because I'm now a lot smarter than I was at six, and my brain is too smart to be fooled by those wonderful boring assurances. Or maybe it's because it really is a big deal, this departure into independence.

Either way, it's 4:56 and guess who can't sleep again.

day[s] 12-30:

HA! I'm finishing this.


day 12: {what's in your satchel}

eclipse gum
one dollar
a sparkly clip
lots of coins
one pencil
a pad of sticky notes
my driver's license


day 13: {this week}

Monday: was nice.
Tuesday: I started feeling sick. But it was still nice!
Wednesday: I felt really bad. Stayed home, finished my narrowdown card, turned in that and my essay, and returned home.
Thursday: Felt more sick. Watched Gilmore Girls, ate ice cream (thanks, Christian!), Roxberry, and drank many other liquids.
Friday (today): Blleeeh. Though I'm on the mend, I hope. Watched Wives & Daughters, loved it.


day 14: {what you wore today}

I've been sick for 3/4 days, so yes, I've been in my pajamas the entire time. APUSH sweats, tie-dye shirt, and Dad's old jacket.


day 15: {your dreams}

One time I had a dream my sister's boyfriend proposed to her. It was really lame. Another time, I had a dream I was in my AP Lit class on a ship and the ceiling showed the constellations and a boy told me he liked me and I shoved him and ran away and then pirates attacked and I saved everyone on board.

That wasn't lame.

As far as dreams not in sleep...

I dream of being a mom. Ultimate goal. My selfish goal is that I want to travel to Europe... actually, just travel the world. I dream of being kissed in the rain. But mostly I just dream of being a mom and marrying my Mr. Right and raising a family.


day 16: {your first kiss}

One night, a boy asked me for a goodnight kiss. I happily consented.
It was really nice.


day 17: {your favorite memory}

You know, I really have a problem being put on the spot about favorites like this. It's like someone saying "Say something funny!" Uh, sure. Now really witty lines are going to come rushing to me.

So I'll just generalize and say probably my childhood - summers in Arizona.


day 18: {your favorite birthday}

When I was really young, I had a princess party. All the guests came dressed as princesses, and my mom and dad made a huge (for us) castle made out of cardboard. How cool is that? I wish I had pictures.

My sixteenth was also one of my favorites. Maddy flew me out to AZ, and my family and friends threw me a surprise luau at the park across the street. Complete with Pina Coladas and Jo vs. the Volcano on the projector.


day 19: {something you regret}

I regret days when I'm sad, frustrated, angry, or mean. I regret the way I sometimes treat the people I love so much. I regret how I handle some situations.


day 20: {this month}

Will be great. I can feel it.

(I can't say much because February just started...)


day 21: {another moment}

One night this summer, it poured rain. The sound was so enticing, I couldn't stay in bed. So I quietly left my bedroom, walked down the hall, and opened my front door. I watched the thunderstorm from my front porch and just smiled.


day 22: {something that upsets you}

This sickness.


day 23: {something that makes you feel better}

Lipton chicken noodle soup (only that kind). My mom's cooking. My bed. Books. Laughing. My mom singing me to sleep (even though she doesn't have the most incredible voice, I love listening to her. This is totally a secret, I don't think I've ever told anyone this. And she hasn't done it for years. But I love it).


day 24: {something that makes your cry}

When I get angry and worked up about something, I cry. This makes it really hard to ever win an argument, because I just start crying and then I feel weak and I can't spit anything cohesive out of my mouth and I just falter.


day 25: {a first}

The first time I legitimately drove a car was kinda cool. Church parking lot. Then I drove up a roundabout on a hill. In the snow.


day 26: {your fears}

I'm scared of spiders.
I'm scared of scary movies.
I'm scared of the dark sometimes.
I'm scared of being kidnapped.

My worst fear though?

My worst fear is that I won't be able to have children. I fear it every day.


day 27: {your favorite place}

Home.

(and Disneyland)


day 28: {something you miss}

I miss being a kid, with virtually no cares in the world besides if I had the right crayons, and if I'd be able to play with my friends after school, and if the monsters under my bed would eat me.

Stress is no fun. Of course, I'm sure it'll only get worse from where I'm at.


day 29: {your aspirations}

I aspire:
to be a mother
to raise a family
to get to the Celestial Kingdom
to graduate college
to teach something important
to cook like my mom
to make others happy
to travel Europe
to paint something I'm so proud of
to kiss in the rain
to marry in the temple
to serve
to gain a best friendship with my Heavenly Father and Christ

day 30: {one last moment}

April 2nd, 2010.
I had just opened the most amazing letter, bearing the news that I had made Student Council. My heart could not have been happier.
We waited in the back storage room, while the whole school filed into the gym. The excitement was tangible - everyone in there had worked so hard the last month, and it had finally paid off for us.
All the lights were turned out, and we slowly shuffled forward as our new positions were announced to the school.
I stood in that doorway, striking a pose (of course) when the time came.
Strobe lights.
Booming sounds.
Screaming.
And then I heard them say my name, and it was bliss.
That moment was absolutely surreal.
I really wish I could let each one of you experience it. And maybe this is really selfish of me, being so excited about this moment, because all the emphasis is on me.
But I learned that hard work really can pay off, and if things are right, it'll happen.


30 Days: COMPLETED.

day 7:

{your best friend}

We've been friends since we were 10 months old; I think she counts as my best.

This was hard for me because I honestly feel like so many of my friends are my best friends. There's no one that is way above the others. Trina and my mom - probably my best. But I thought since I've talked about my mom already and will talk about Trina in the future, I'll pick someone I'm not related to. Alyssa? I included her and Trina in some pictures too on purpose.

Bah. I don't know. I'm focusing on Maddy today.

Maddy is the best.
We watched Sound of Music about 3 times a week as children.
Sang together in a performing group.
Spent the lazy summer days of Arizona swimming, eating popsicles, and doing nothing in particular.
We bond over the phone in awkward situations ;)
Tell each other everything.
Talk into the early hours of the morning.
Hold each other's hair back while we're throwing up.
Hold each other while having a panic attack.
I know I can count on her for anything.
We'll be friends forever.
Our kids will grow together.
And so will we.

Love you, Maddy.

day 2:

{your first love}

okay. i'm gonna be honest....

i'm kind of at a loss of what to write for this one. i don't believe i have ever been in love (and that's the honest truth. maybe you'll understand when i explain my idea of love for day five). so i'm going to change that to:

my first like.

his name was tyler. tyler hansen.

his sister was best friends with my sister.
his mom was my preschool teacher.
he was a grade above me.
i loved him from afar.
he was the first guy i ever paired first and last names with: "anna hansen"

...wait wait wait. "first love" implies that there was some returned affection? shoot. maybe tyler doesn't count. oh well. i'll continue.

one day, when my sister was on the phone with his sister, and my sister was talking to tyler (don't ask me why) i said, "ask him if he likes me!" and she did.
his reply?
from 0 - 100%....
his level of affection for me was a 60%.

i was elated.
this meant he liked me more than he didn't like me, right?!

oh baby.

anyway. i think he thought i was a little weird. because i was in like for with him for most of my young existence. for years, really. and he always knew i liked him. and i'd be at his house for preschool. and i think we were even in the same ward. and i always wanted to see him. his family and my family were good friends.

later, once i moved to utah and became a tad bit more mature (not too much, folks), i got over it.

but sometimes i go visit and if i see him i get all nervous again and act all weird. it's rather embarrassing. because now i don't even know the guy.


and don't worry. i've facebook stalked him once or twice.

my cucumber

I'd like to introduce you to my best friend.
Her name is Maddy Baker.
A long time ago, two mothers with daughters around 10 months old met each other and decided their daughters should be friends - what a brilliant idea.


For 7 years, the two girls grew closer and closer, until one sad day, one moved away to Utah, escaping the pressing heat of Phoenix. The two peas in a pod were determined to stay close. Distance could not ruin the solid foundation they had built. Phone calls were made almost every weekend, and visits were established every year. When they got cell phones, texting was used.
They stayed friends.


And now, at age 17, Maddy and I have lived away from each other longer than we've lived near. And yet, she still remains my best friend. I know that's never going to change.
I call her my cucumber - a name derived from past inside jokes.
She sings me "You are my sunshine" over the phone, and we giggle.
She helped me paint my room.
The other night when I was having a bad day, she called me and listened to me whine.
We can talk for hours on the phone and never get bored.
We've had the most influential years of our lives in different states, yet when we get together, we find ourselves even more alike than before.
We quote Harry Potter together.
We laugh like dorks and people give us strange looks.
When I cough, she slaps me on the back til I get mad enough and stop coughing.
We jam out to N'Sync.
I endure Phoenix summers in order to see her.
She endures crazy Utah County quirks to see me.
She once held my hair back while I threw up.

And tomorrow?



She's coming to see me.