mr. golden sun

I'm more than certain this beautifully sunny day was precisely what I needed. Many thanks to the big man up there for giving me such an incredible spring day with so much to be grateful for. Yesterday was one of the worst days I've had in a few months, you know. And I don't say that to gain your pity or anything, because it's really okay. But I just felt sort of dejected. And certain circumstances (one of which was the two papers I had due today) coupled with very little sleep the night before may have made me one of the grumpiest people around (sorry if you ran into me at any point). It was one of those "straw that broke the camel's back" sort of days, and even though we all like to have it together, it's really okay to have a little cry on the phone with your mom and show your emotions when such a day arises. And even though yesterday I thought today would be just as dismal, today's been excellent. And tonight there's the promise of two kinds of pie, so I'm thrilled. It's nice to sit on a campus lawn and just enjoy the sunshine, you know?

Some of them

Here are a few scattered thoughts that have been on my mind lately:

1. Why is it so popular to be cynical? I hate that people can't just admit that things are good. They can't accept the fact that they're lucky. And even if there's a lot of hatred and hardship and terrible things happening in the world, it's okay to celebrate what you have, as long as you remain humble about it. The problem comes when you start paying the people that are suffering no mind just because you're well off. Just because I'm happy doesn't mean I don't recognize hardships. Smiling is good. And I truly believe mankind is meant to have joy. So cheer up, folks.

2. Kony 2012. I know there's been a great deal of criticism about this whole deal, and I have my own thoughts (which I'm not going to share with all of you). I will say this, however - people that are complaining about money being spent on publicity and film-making and the emphasis being on Kony - it's working, right? This idea is just crazy backwards enough to work. Calm down.

3. Hunger Games. Oh my gosh, guys. I'm so excited. 2 weeks from tonight, I'll be lining up for a midnight showing with literally 20 other girls from my hall. It will be a party. Occasionally I think about the things that I have to do before the movie comes out and it freaks me out. Because I'm thinking "It's so close!" and then I realize I have tests and papers due before then.

4. I really have a problem with smiling. Not that I smile too much, or that I hate people that smile, but for some reason my face really struggles to smile in many instances. Mostly when I'm out walking on campus or in any public place, really. My face sits in this really unfortunate expression when I don't consciously think about it (usually people are concerned and think something is wrong, and usually nothing is). The hard part is that even though I recognize this, and try to change it, my face struggles moving its muscles up. I'm like, "Self, next person you make eye contact with you have to smile at, ok?" And self is like, "Yeah! We've got this." And then I make eye contact and my face stays the same and they look away before I can actually move the corners of my mouth. And I'm like, "Seeellllf!!" And Self is like, "I know, I know. We'll try harder next time."

5. My roommate. I'm really really grateful for her, guys. She's pretty much the best roommate ever. Not because we're best friends or have the same tastes or interested in the same things or do everything together. No, it's better. We're different, and we get along great. We can sit in silence for hours without it being bothersome, we understand each other's personal space and boundaries, and can usually sense when the other needs some alone time. But we can also stay up until 2 or 3 in the morning just talking about life, and we can laugh really hard because honestly, we're two really hilarious people. And she's okay with the fact that I sometimes talk in my sleep and occasionally sleepwalk, and I'm okay with the fact that she listens to country music and... umm... you know, I can't really think of anything annoying that she does (isn't that great?). Also, we have the same level of cleanliness, which is absolutely superb for our sanity.

6. Divine Comedy is so funny, guys. If you don't know, they're the comedy sketch group for BYU. I went and saw their free tech show last night with some friends and was dying of laughter. Also, it is totally my goal to be on the team one day. I know, it's pretty lofty. But I LOVE that kind of thing, and somehow I just feel like it would totally fit me. I've made the decision not to do theatre anymore, and I'm really happy with that decision, but I still miss performing. And especially making people laugh. I think that's one of my favorite things in life, really - to make people laugh. It gives me such a great reward. I try to do it, and heaven knows I often don't succeed and usually just embarrass myself, but then I get awkward and as a last resort that makes people laugh, my awkwardness. I'm trying out next year.

7. Spring Fever. I've got it, people. I've got it bad.