hahahahahaha

It's 11:07 on a Saturday morning, my husband is on campus taking a test, and I'm sitting in bed feeling my 18-week baby move inside of me. Moral of the story? A lot can change in 2 years. Other moral? Sometimes nothing at all changes - I should be writing a paper instead of being nostalgic and looking at my old-time blog. And really, how many of my posts from 2010-2013 are just me procrastinating homework? Quite a lot. 

So yeah, since we last talked, I got engaged, I got married, and I got pregnant. All of it was wonderful and the happiest. That guy in the last post that's looking at me really cute is the one I married, and consequently the father of my unborn child. Baby doesn't have a gender yet (well s/he does, but we just don't know it yet), but s/he sure is active. Sometimes I'll read stuff online about a lot of first time mothers don't feel their baby move until they are 20-22 weeks along, but the first time I felt the lil' cutie was about 16 weeks. And now I'm so aware of it and can even feel it when I place my hand on my stomach. It's surreal and honestly the coolest thing I've ever felt. 

In other news, I declared a major (American Studies), and Donald Trump is now our president. I'm still reeling about that, honestly. When I tell people I'm an American Studies major the classic assumption is that I'm just this really patriotic American elitist or something, but in all reality, my classes have led to more of a disenchantment with America than me fastening flags to the back of my car. That's not to say I don't have a great patriotism and love for this country, because I do. It's just that in addition to that I've studied a lot of the really hard history of our country, and I've realized how much of this great land we live in really isn't as great as most of us white people seem to think. I guess I've just come to the conclusion that focusing only on the good may help you feel better for a little bit, but in the long run nothing really gets accomplished unless we first admit to faults. 

I'll be quiet now. I try not to post too many political things on fb, but I also might be someone you hate on fb who likes a lot of political posts, causing them to appear on your newsfeed. And I've kind of just come to accept it. 

So yeah, marriage is wonderful because being fully accepted and loved by someone is a really incredible thing to experience. The other night I just started crying for no reason (I'd say partly because I was pregnant, and partly because I was feeling some anxiety/depression), and husband just picked me up and let me sit in his arms for 20 minutes until I calmed down. After I said I had no idea what was wrong when he inquired, we both just stayed quiet and didn't say a thing. Mostly I just listened to his heartbeat. 

I hope you all are doing well, though there's probably nobody out there reading this (cause you know, blogs), and I hope things just get better and better. Don't compare yourself to others and don't spend too much time on social media. I've realized I'm most anxious and overwhelmed when I do that. 

love

I think everyone should find someone who looks at them like this. 

you can thank me for this later

Watch the picture and play the music and heave a little sigh with me because it's "disgustingly adorable", to quote a favorite blogger of mine. 

via

this post is so stereotypical

Call it creepy, but today as I walked around campus I was suddenly like, "There are a lot of really attractive guys on this campus!" Which, I mean, duh. And you are probably like, "Well hi, Anna, you've been there for 2 years now and just noticed that?" But seriously I don't know if did. I mean, I would notice specific attractive guys but there's something to be said about broadening your view and realizing how many of them there are in a 10 minute walk across campus.

In other boy-related news (since we're on the subject), I may have started freaking out a little bit in my marriage prep class today. Because we were talking about the stages of dating and I was suddenly all, "But you get to the exclusive stage with someone and before you can get to the engaged stage you realize it's not right and then you have to go back to the paired stage of dating and it's just like starting back on square one and you feel like you're being kicked back to the curb and life is all, 'Haha! Not yet!'" And I mean, I didn't say that all out loud because, hi, embarrassing, but I did rant a little to my roommate afterwards. But it's out of my system now (mostly) and I'll just have to keep at it, this dating thing, because that's how you get to the marriage thing, right? 

I know, I know. I'm young. I'm not planning on getting married anytime soon, folks. 

I guess I mostly just want to tell you this guy sitting at my table in the library is really attractive despite the fact he's graying early. And judging from his homework he might be a business major so that's cool too. 

Okay. Dumping myself back into this wretched paper. 

what is love?

Unfortunately I'm not about to write a post attempting to define love. I mean, I may think I'm a capable person, but I'm not THAT capable. Let's not get ahead of ourselves here.

No. Instead, I've decided to share with you this pretty incredible (in my opinion) playlist my roommate and I put together for this lovely lovey season (am I allowed to put those two words next to each other? Is lovey even a word? Because blogger doesn't seem to think so).

Also, as a side note, apologies for the amount of parenthetical statements I use in my writing. I have a problem, and my Human Geography TA pointed it out to me. I may attempt to fix that in my academic writings, but this is my domain so we're going to let the parenthetical statements stay (HA).

Back to this playlist. We wanted to put together some of the ultimate love songs for the season. Hard because such a large majority of songs are about love, but we didn't want to include just ANY song that is centered around love. It had to be special, and good. And we wanted lots of different genres. We wanted lots of things. It seemed when I searched for ideas online, I never got the right kind of recommendations, so I'm sharing ours.

Please don't feel like you need to read through this. You're more than welcome to, of course. But mostly I just think that there has to be a good list out there somewhere on the internet.

We think it's pretty stellar.

As a side note, this is not my taste in music, this is just my ultimate love playlist. If I was making a list of my favorite artists singing love songs, it'd probably look very different:

Love Me Tender - Elvis Presley
My Heart Will Go On - Celine Dion
Don't Go Breaking My Heart - Elton John, Kiki Dee
You Are So Beautiful - Joe Cocker
My Girl - The Temptations
I Will Always Love You - Whitney Houston
Valentine - Kina Grannis
What Is Love - Haddaway
Can You Feel The Love Tonight? - Lion King
L-O-V-E - Nat King Cole
All You Need Is Love - The Beatles
I Won't Say (I'm In Love) - Hercules
So This Is Love - Cinderella
Let Me Call You Sweetheart - The Mills Brothers
My Funny Valentine - Frank Sinatra
Unforgettable - Nat King Cole
Fly Me to the Moon - Frank Sinatra
Can't Help Falling In Love - Ingrid Michaelson
Love Is Here To Stay - Ella Fitzgerald, Louis Armstrong
At Last - Etta James
As Long As He Needs Me - Helen Forrest & Harry James
Seasons of Love - RENT
True Love's Kiss - Enchanted
Without Love - Hairspray
You're Nobody Till Somebody Loves You - Michael Buble
All I Do Is Dream Of You - Dean Martin
Crazy Little Thing Called Love - Queen
Once Upon a Dream - Sleeping Beauty
This Will Be (An Everlasting Love) - Natalie Cole
Dream A Little Dream Of Me - Mama Cass
As Long As You Love Me - Backstreet Boys
I Won't Give Up Jason Mraz
I Just Can't Stop Loving You - Michael Jackson
Love is a Verb - John Mayer
I See the Light - Tangled
A Whole New World - Aladdin
That's Amore - Dean Martin
You'll Be In My Heart - Phil Collins
Something There - Beauty and the Beast
A Dream is a Wish Your Heart Makes - Cinderella
Kiss the Girl - Ariel
Somebody to Love - Queen
A Heart Full of Love - Les Mis
A Moment Like This - Kelly Clarkson
Love You I Do - Jennifer Hudson (Dreamgirls)
Lucky - Jason Mraz & Colbie Caillat
I'm Yours - Jason Mraz
Everything - Michael Buble
Killing Me Softly With His Song - Fugees
That's When I'll Stop Loving You - N*Sync
Why Don't You Kiss Her? - Jesse McCartney
I Turned the Corner/I'm Falling in Love with Someone - Thoroughly Modern Millie
The One You Say Goodnight To - Kina Grannis
If It's Love - Train
Love You Like A Love Song - Selena Gomez
Hug Me! Kiss Me! Love Me! - Helen Kane
You and I - Ingrid Michaelson


Ha. So the irony of this all is that I chose to write this blog post (including typing out all the songs because no, they weren't already written out) instead of writing a paper for marriage prep. So, love either way. Wish I could just use this list as my paper. I mean, look at all the work I put into that! Also, in case the marriage prep thing scared any of you, the answer is no. I'm not getting married and nowhere close, my roommates and I are taking it together and it's a great class. So calm it down.

trying harder every day.

It's 3 in the morning and I'm writing a blog post, because yes, it's that time of the month again - cleaning checks! Luckily this time I signed up for a much easier job, and poor Sarah continues to slave away in the kitchen, having a similar experience to the one I had a month ago.

But I didn't open this post with the intent of talking about cleaning checks, as thrilling as I know that is for you all to read. I was actually just thinking about my husband.


What caused me to think about this mystery man and write a post about him? I don't know. I suppose it could be a blog post I just read that was written by a loving husband about how much he loves his sweet wife. Or perhaps it was the fact that my roommate and I just watched Sleepless in Seattle. It definitely could have something to do with the past few weeks/months of my life, and the things I've learned.

Whatever it was, tonight my thoughts have turned to my husband, and more importantly, to me as a wife. I say more importantly not because I'm more important, but because that's the part I should be focusing on right now - being the best version of myself.

And most of the time I feel like I fall terribly, miserably short.

Don't we all? I don't say this to get pity from any of you, or to try and belittle myself. To be honest, overall I'm happy with who I am and where I am at this time in life. And that's awesome, but to be satisfied with something to the extent you no longer progress? That can be dangerous.

I know there are so many things in my life I could work on. I should be less selfish, because I expect my future husband to be. I should be a better listener, because I hope my husband is. I should maintain a more positive attitude in daily conundrums because I sure hope my husband will.

The point is, we can always do better. And I don't know about you, but I want to be crazy in love with my husband. The can't-eat, can't-sleep, reach-for-the-stars, over-the-fence, World Series kind of love. I want it to be the million tiny little things that, when you add them all up, mean we're supposed to be together.

And I could write a whole other blog post about how love isn't like the movies (in fact, I think I have), so I know this may sound contradictory. But I truly just hope I'm going to be madly in love with my husband.

Possibly this isn't all fitting together, going from husband talk to self improvement to husband talk again, but it fits in my head. Because I want to be the best version of myself for my husband, wherever he is. I want him to be crazy in love with me too, for all the right reasons.

It's hard when you feel like you're getting close to meeting that special someone, and then you realize that maybe you aren't. That maybe Heavenly Father has other plans for you right now. That maybe you're not quite where you need to be, progression wise, to meet that man. But what awesome motivation, to know that there is a man like that out there - someone who isn't perfect, but is going to be perfect for you.

That's a thought that can keep me going on this path of self improvement, you know? That's something that I'm going to hold on to and treasure and think about.

Because I want to be the kind of person I'm hoping to marry someday.

i like the way she puts this

"I have spent far too few moments treasuring the beauty of familiarity. The thought struck me late the other night when I was in the bathroom, cutting my husband's hair. I don't know why it struck me then. I've done it countless times before. But this time, somehow the simple intimacy of knowing exactly how he likes his hair and snipping my clippers accordingly while he watched me in the mirror seemed profound. There is something to be said about sharing your life with someone. Growing up and growing old together. Raising your children. That idea is often romanticized by stories and movies, but amidst the day to day living of that life, the appreciation for it can be lost.

To be truly known by someone, with all facets of your past and present, your weaknesses and strengths exposed and still loved. That is beautiful. And getting to watch the little boy that I have with that someone, grow in his own familiarity with the world and with us, it's a bigger experience than the small words I have can describe. What a privilege it is to be the one that he knows better than anyone. And to experience the seemingly insignificant day-to-day of growing old together with someone. To me there's nothing, even in the constant stream of new and exciting, that could top or fulfill as much as that warm familiarity."

-Sydney, from The Daybook

I look forward to the time when I'll get to have that with someone, too. It'll be nice.

Warning: this post has serious signs of a lovesick fool

I can't wait to be married, folks.

I mean, I'm sorry if that offends you or whatever. If you think I'm throwing away my life or something, or maybe that I'm going to go rush into a marriage without the necessary consideration.

Fact is, I'm not excited to just "get married". I'm excited to be married to someone I am very very much in love with, and who loves me back.

I won't bore you with the details of all I want in a man. I almost began to type it and realized that's pointless. First of all, because you don't want to read through it - either you have your dream, or your dream is different from mine. Second, because ideals change, and who am I to say what I do or don't want in my husband? I guess I'll know when he comes along and we fall in love.

I will say this though: I would greatly enjoy being married to someone like Gilbert Blythe.

The Gilbert Blythe from Anne of Green Gables - you know the one? If you don't, for shame. Go read the books and watch the movies, all of them. I finished watching them all over again (oh gosh, i've mentioned this before, haven't i?), and it was lovely. When the last movie finished and I experienced my traditional post-series sadness, I seriously just thought of how I want to marry someone like Gilbert.

And honest? I didn't say to myself, "I want to marry Gilbert Blythe". Because us girls get these crazy ideas of men from books and movies and say we want to marry them when the fact of the matter is that they don't exist. There is no such thing as Gilbert Blythe - he is just a beautifully crafted character.

However, I do so love some qualities about him. He's human, you know? And he has faults and problems, which I respect. But he's also just a truly good person.

Also, I do occasionally fantasize I'm Anne (for multiple reasons) and wish I could just get sucked up in that wonderful story of love. So many kinds of love, too. Not just romance (that's gotta be one of the best parts of the anne series - that it's about real life and growing up and changing and finding yourself and romance just happens to work in), but love between parent and child, real kindred spirits, bosom friends, and timeless memories.

But I realize that I'm not going to live on Prince Edward Island it 1910. Unfortunately, it just can't happen. I live now, and I am me. I'm not Anne, there's no Gilbert, and that is okay. That is more than okay, in fact. I love me. I love my life, even if I don't necessarily relish in every moment of it (which is so unfortunate really, because why not? anne sometimes reminds me to enjoy everything about life).

And someday, I'm going to meet my own personal Gilbert Blythe.

A Call to Class

I feel like I never hear the end of girls begging for guys to be gentlemanly. How often have I heard girls complain that guys don't treat them with respect, don't open doors, that "chivalry is dead"? Every time girls watch the movies set in a time when men courted ladies and took them for walks and asked their father if they could date their daughter and wore lapels, girls swoon. We're goners, I tell you. Yes, we. I would be lying if I said I didn't do all the things listed above.

Call me old-fashioned, I suppose. If I had to name my opinion on dating, it would probably sound very old-fashioned to people. Personally, I like to call it being classy.

I mean, yes. By all means, we girls need to flirt. We can't stay hidden in our rooms watching re-runs of "Once Upon A Time" and "Young Victoria" over and over again with our roommates, then expect our complaints about no men in our lives to be valid. I'll be the first to admit I struggle right there.

We should make sure guys know we are available. We need to get this idea out of our head that romances will always start like they do in the movies - sudden eye contact, a demure little smile, and suddenly he's taking you on endless dates (which all ends with a big misunderstanding that is resolved in the middle of a thunderstorm/traffic jam/work presentation). That's not how it works, ladies. In fact, I think that in most cases, if that happened to you in real life, many girls would find it sufficiently "creepy" (a word that is good for an entirely different blog post, because we girls have started using it way too much).

But. I also believe that if the girl is letting the guy know she's open to dating, the guy should, for the most part, make the first moves.

Call me crazy.

The problem is, not everyone agrees with this. The problem is, there are plenty of girls out there who are willing to throw themselves at any man that walks past. The problem is, so many guys are used to the idea of not having to do any work, and getting all the benefits. Yes, not all guys - please don't think I'm making a huge generalization here. I know there are exceptions, but let's not pretend there hasn't been an increase in this mentality, and a huge predicament has arisen.

I saw this on pinterest tonight:

via

Interesting, huh?

Boy, this got me thinking. And it's totally right.

Yes, guys need to improve. But yes, girls need to improve, too. We can't expect to have these incredible "gentlemen" lining up to meet us if we don't act like ladies ourselves. I'm not saying we have to wear dresses all the time, not have opinions, and stop voting - no, I think we've progressed in wonderful ways over the past century.

But how can we expect men to treat us with respect if we don't even treat ourselves with respect?

That's why I wrote this whole things, kiddos. Because I think we need to bring a little more class back into our society. I want you to start acting like you're a gentleman if you're a guy - open doors, take girls out on dates, be sincere, don't objectify, and show respect.

And if you're a girl, you better add some more class to your life and stop whining. I don't want to hear about your woes with boys that don't treat you with respect if you don't treat yourself with respect. Show them that you deserve it. Treat your body with respect so they will too.

Don't give them any room to possibly think of you in any other way than what you are - a lady.

Always

Sometimes, I am overcome with the immensity of the world around me, and depth that I cannot even begin to fathom. I am so complex. Me. That simple word carries with it so much meaning, for me. Meaning for me that is different for others, for people do not view me in the same way I view myself. Perception.

It can be overwhelming to think about the complexity and depth in my life. What experiences have shaped me, what trials have refined me, what people have influenced me. Who I have loved and who has loved me. I am a book that never ends, but continues on and on at a consistent rate. I am not capable of writing this book, because even I do not understand myself. And then there is the complexity of my existence before I came to Earth, something I will not fully grasp for some time.

I heard a girl describe it as a movie. Almost every human being I interact with is just an extra in this movie of my life. But then, everyone has a movie of their life. All those extras are the leads in their movie called Life. And to them, I am nothing more than an extra. So quickly I try to understand the depth behind each person I see, the complexity behind their life. I fail, of course, because I am human. I cannot understand. My mind is soon overflowing with ideas of Marriott Centers full of extras and 7 billion movies being made right now. Some are just beginning, some have reached the calming resolution, the falling action. But no matter what point of the movie we are at right now, it's going. And it's not going to stop.

Despite the vast number of people on this planet, the vast number of movies being made, I am loved. I am known. Me, a complicated girl who doesn't even understand her own feelings well enough to write a book. I have a Heavenly Father who loves me and knows me right down to the white birthmark by my collarbone. And he knows you too. Do you hear me?

He knows you.

I promise you that. Out of 7 billion people living their lives and starring in their movie, he knows and loves you. He is constantly watching your movie, rooting for you all the way.

It saddens me to see people who don't understand this. People who lose hope because of loneliness, who forget their potential, who doubt the loving God who created them. I yearn to reach out to these people and show them how happy they can be, to explain to them the incredible exalted state they can eventually obtain. I hurt for them when this is not understood.

It is easy to blame God when things go wrong. So simple to turn tearfully away from him, saying, "How could you do this to me? I thought you were good. I thought you were loving. I thought you cared about me. I can't understand why you would ever let this happen."

What needs to be understood is that God does not forces these cruelties upon us. These trials help us, it's true. But the mentality that God is taking each one and putting it before us needs to be put aside.

We live in a fallen world. Things will be hard no matter how good we try to be. In fact, it seems the better we try to be, the harder things will turn out. The wicked and the hardships and the temptations will hit us hard, they will try to pull us down and lead us away from true happiness. Let us not forget that God has provided a way out for us. The way is his son, Jesus Christ. The means are his eternal and infinite atonement. An atonement that makes it possible to be understood.

People complain that no one understands them, and for the most part that is true. We've all been in a situation where we attempt to describe a hardship to a friend, only to have the response be, "I know how you feel," while they proceed to tell you about some trial they themselves have faced, oftentimes one that seems completely different from the one you are trying to cope with. We have all had times where we wanted nothing more than to interrupt them and say, "No. That is not how I feel. That is not the same situation." Of course, we've been on the other side of that, too. It's natural for us to try to find a relating emotion with offering consolation to a friend.

These comparisons can be so similar they almost seem identical, but they never truly are, due to the people they involve. The depths and complexities of me and my friends will never be exactly the same. So the only person we can truly turn to is Christ. He alone has known exactly what it felt like for you to have that loss, to experience that broken heart.

He won't mistake you for someone else, he won't make a completely unrelated analogy, and he won't ever forget you. He will give you a warm embrace and whisper, "I know." And then He will weep with you.

He is there, and He always will be.

He is not going anywhere.

Flyboyz.

If you've ever seen Flyboys, you'll know what I'm talking about when I simply say

James Franco.

(let me first say that i don't really enjoy his personal self. he gives off this air of being a total jerk. and he definitely blew the incredible opportunity of hosting the oscars, thus making it a once in a lifetime opportunity)

But I digress.

The point is, he is still incredible attractive, and, when given the proper role, I'm completely smitten.

Perfect role? Flyboys.

I read a blog post about why they find him so attractive in this movie (and why the movie itself is wonderful), and thought I'd point out a couple things as well. Some the same, some different.

1. His little smirk.

2. He starts out all cocky, but ends up a legitimate leader.

3. The suspenders. For reals.

4. The love story (ahhhh. the love story.)

5. The history aspect of the story.

6. How cute he is to Lucienne and how sweetly he treats her.

7. How he talks. James just has this... way.

8. The kisses. They are beautiful.

9. The fact that it takes place in FRANCE, people.

10. Lucienne's beauty. She is truly beautiful, and not in the typical movie-star way.

Enjoy this:

Anyway. After watching this delightful movie, my friends and I decided there were only a couple things we would change. The new movie, titled "Flyboyz", would look something like this:

1. Instead of being nursed back to health by the ladies of a whore house after a crash landing, the men would be discovered by a nunnery.

2. When the religious bloke doesn't accept the alcohol because he says he doesn't drink, instead of pressuring him (and him caving in), all his friends would say, "No, that's cool, we totally respect you!"

3. The love story would end on a happier note.

....Then again, it's kinda beautiful because it's more realistic. And makes you love the times they have together even more.

But I won't spoil this for you. Go watch it. Really. Do your heart some good.

Mansfield Park.

So there's this line.

In the movie I just watched. And it's lovely. Allow to me to be a girl who enjoys real love more than most anything for just a moment and quote it for you.

Him: "Fanny, I must confess something. (pause) ...I've loved you all my life."

Her: "I know, Edmund."

Him: "No, Fanny. As a man loves a woman. As a hero loves a heroine. As I have never loved anyone in my entire life. I was so anxious to do what is right, that I forgot to do what is right. But if you choose me after all my blunderings and blindness, there'll be a happiness which no description could reach."

Ohh. Gotta love a good chick flick sometimes.

In case you were wondering.

Two incredibly eventful things happen one month from today.

Firstly:

Yeah no really - it all ends. I would attempt to sufficiently convey my excitement/happiness/expectations/sorrow/nostalgia, but it would end up being insufficient, even if I tried.

So I won't.

Secondly:

These two lovebirds get hitched (if you don't know who "these two lovebirds" are, it's my sister and her fiance). This engagement picture is my favorite, because it's totally a candid to describe why I love them.

Oh oh oh. Also, a month from tomorrow, I turn 18. That's pretty groovy too.

So basically a month from this time-ish, I will be all smiles.

Isn't life beautiful?

pictures: via & via

day 5:

{your definition of love}

ok, here we go.

i. have. a strict. take on love.

example: i have never been in love before. i'm well aware of that. yes, i've felt a lot for a person before. really great stuff that just a makes you smile. and makes you always want to be around them. and their laugh makes you laugh. and they can make you happy by doing the simplest things. and your stomach does crazy back-flips when you see them.

but no. i wasn't in love.

there's many different kinds of love, honestly. it's not that i've never loved, just that i've never been in love before.

i know i love my family. undoubtedly. and when i say to my friends, "i love you!", yes, in some ways i do. it's a different kind of love, though - different even from my family love. because i'm sorry friends: i love my family, i love you.

i would probably lay down on train tracks for some of my siblings. i don't know if i'd do that for my friends though. maybe! - who knows. hopefully i'll never be put in that situation.

but i'm pretty sure the kind of love this prompt is talking about, the kind of love that everyone talks about... well, that's different.

i therefore introduce the definition of love, brought to you by Anna's Life Dictionary:

love [luhv] noun, verb, loved, lov·ing. 1. when you care more for a person than you do for yourself.

i am not saying the edward-bella love:
"ohmygosh, ohmygosh, ohmygosh! i hate myself. so much. i love you more. so i'm rejecting everything i am as a human being and becoming a vampire because i looooove you moooore."

uh, no.

i'm taking, you are so concerned with this other person, so incredibly in love with everything about them, you would do anything for them. their happiness is so important to you, you are willing to put your wants behind you in order to fulfill their wants.

that's what makes a marriage work, i think. caring more about the other person. if both parties are doing that, then it's a perfect balance. it's when we become selfish that it starts to fail.

most of what i've just said so far comes from a seminary teacher. he got a ph.d. in marriage and family relations. wrote a dissertation on it.

so i think he knows what he's talking about.

he interviewed 30 couples to better understand the concept of love and what the key to a successful marriage is. the results? the only ones that worked completely were the ones where both cared more about the other. some marriages that had problems faced one spouse caring more about the other, and the other not, and some faced both caring more about themselves.

love is selfless.

i believe that.


alright. setting that aside, and keeping it in mind for a moment, let's look at a couple other things.

1. i believe you can be in love more than once.
2. because we as human beings are constantly growing and changing, our ability to love does as well.
---example: Woman and man begin to date. After a few months, man says to woman, "I love you." She thinks about it, and replies "I love you, too." And she does. A few months later, they break up due to the realization that marriage isn't the right thing for them. Fast forward a year. Woman meets man2. After a suitable time, they tell each other they love each other. This is true, because they do. The woman then says "I never really loved man. My feelings for man are nothing compared to what they are for man2." Wait a second. True?...False, I think. She did love man. Because everything she knew at that time in her life (when she was dating man), everything she had ever experienced told her that yes, she loved him. It was just a different kind of love. She changed, grew, and learned throughout these experiences. By the time she met man2, her capacity to love had grown.
3. the phrase "I love you" should not be thrown around lightly.
4. especially in a relationship.
5. especially especially in a high school relationship.

6. everyone has a different view/perspective of what love is. here's a picture to demonstrate this:

So. Let's say the boy's feeling level reaches that line on his scale. The line labeled "love". And the girl's feeling might be exactly at the same level. So she might be kinda doubtful when he says he loves her. But her idea of love is just different. She considers love to be a little higher level.

There's nothing wrong with either. Just because the boy's idea of love is lower doesn't mean his feeling level is less. Oui?

Okay. I'm getting sick of this post. So I'm done for now.

No, this isn't everything I have to say on the subject of love.

Yes, I totally have no right or experience to say this.


I can't wait to be in love.

day 3:

{your parents}



my parents? they are the best people i know.


Celeste Marguerite Rose
she is kind, and gentle.
service should be her middle name.
did you know she's relief society 2nd counselor?
while about 6 people in our ward have a serious illness going on with them, or in their family right now?
and two are in the relief society presidency?
oh, not to mention mother of 5.
oops, that's right - she's also on the board for byu's women's conference.
yep, that means she's in charge of the humanitarian project.
making 30-35,000 kits.
people say i look like her, and i feel lucky, because she is stunning.
she has grace and poise
a lovely smile
her food is without a doubt the best i've ever had - the epitome of home cooking done right
she is great at decorating
one of my best friends
the other day my friend told me something and later when i said "so, i told my mom about that" she laughed. i said "i tell my mom everything" and she said "yeah, i kind of noticed"
she's a talented dancer
smart, and funny
full of unfailing love for everyone
i love her random outbursts when she acts incredibly silly
i love when she laughs - really really hard. it makes me laugh too
i love her


David Conley Lewis
he is handsome
i like how when he smiles his eyes crinkle up - his laugh lines are the most prominent wrinkles on his face
he's sort of a goof ball, though most people wouldn't think so
he's quiet - the introverted side of my personality comes from him
he loves history, and geography. for christmas his favorite present was a giant map, and a book about magellan.
he's ridiculously smart. i'm so grateful for the many papers of mine he's edited, glad he has his major in journalism/english, and that he graduated from law school
speaking of which, he's logical
his "lawyer mode", as i like to call it, is hilarious (ie: talking to me in a normal way, gets a phone call from work, and automatically switches over to lawyer mode. talking with a very smart sort of voice, using big words, logic. even when explaining something not related to law, he sometimes does this. i love him for it.)
he likes to make fun of the lingo us kids use, etc. after listening to a certain song a lot this weekend, he referred to all of us as "ballers" repeatedly
he has this funny dance he does
i love having deep conversations with him about religion, history, philosophy, etc.
he is the ultimate provider
i love when he gets quiet for a few minutes, then out of nowhere, as i sit on the couch reading a book, looks up and says he loves me. then tells me why and how he's proud of me.
i love when he gets choked up about the church he loves
i love when he randomly says his prayers in dutch
i love his love for tulips
i like when he sings les mis
i love him


thanks, mom and dad. i love you guys.

day 2:

{your first love}

okay. i'm gonna be honest....

i'm kind of at a loss of what to write for this one. i don't believe i have ever been in love (and that's the honest truth. maybe you'll understand when i explain my idea of love for day five). so i'm going to change that to:

my first like.

his name was tyler. tyler hansen.

his sister was best friends with my sister.
his mom was my preschool teacher.
he was a grade above me.
i loved him from afar.
he was the first guy i ever paired first and last names with: "anna hansen"

...wait wait wait. "first love" implies that there was some returned affection? shoot. maybe tyler doesn't count. oh well. i'll continue.

one day, when my sister was on the phone with his sister, and my sister was talking to tyler (don't ask me why) i said, "ask him if he likes me!" and she did.
his reply?
from 0 - 100%....
his level of affection for me was a 60%.

i was elated.
this meant he liked me more than he didn't like me, right?!

oh baby.

anyway. i think he thought i was a little weird. because i was in like for with him for most of my young existence. for years, really. and he always knew i liked him. and i'd be at his house for preschool. and i think we were even in the same ward. and i always wanted to see him. his family and my family were good friends.

later, once i moved to utah and became a tad bit more mature (not too much, folks), i got over it.

but sometimes i go visit and if i see him i get all nervous again and act all weird. it's rather embarrassing. because now i don't even know the guy.


and don't worry. i've facebook stalked him once or twice.