i'm good but i'll get better

Being an RM is just about the weirdest thing I've ever experienced. Such complex emotions and oh so many feels that I can't quite explain. People ask me simple questions nowadays and I completely buckle under pressure, becoming some incoherent mess. What are my plans for the future? How was my mission? How am I adjusting? Questions like that can't be answered simply. How was my mission? Idk, how were the last 18 months of your life? Could you just summarize that in a sentence or two for me? How are you adjusting? Have you ever stepped off a moving sidewalk onto solid ground and had that moment where you're just like "whoa"?

And how is it that after introducing myself as "Anna" for twenty years of my life, suddenly I stumble when saying my own name now? How in the world did 18 months of habit change 20 years?

I mean, I'm fine. I function just fine in the world. Jeans were an easy transition and I'm not the most awkward person you've ever seen, but it's still just weird. This huge, wonderful, lovely chunk of my life is just this thing of the past so quickly. After a lot of thinking, I've come to figure out at least some of the root of my problem. I had become a really great version of myself as Sister Lewis. I was by no means perfect, but I was much better than Anna had been - you know, close to the spirit, more patient, less selfish, less of a procrastinator, all that fun stuff you're supposed to learn on a mission. And then I've been thrown back into the same environment I was in before I found this ideal version of myself, and sometimes I feel like I left those attributes behind. I don't know how to explain it but it's been hard. RM Anna just needs to be different and she's trying to figure out how. 

We had a wonderful senior Elder at the Visitors' Center on my mission, and I was lucky enough to get to spend a lot of my time there. When we'd come to shift halfway through the day and find Elder Burnham behind the front desk, I had one companion in particular that would always ask "How are you today, Elder Burnham?" And he'd always respond, "You know, I'm good. But I'll get better." It was onward and upward with that fellow and I appreciated that. 

So here's to being good but getting better.

And wearing jeans again. Cause seriously, so good. 

thoughts on wanderlust and discouragement and sadness and feeling claustrophobic

Wanderlust. n. A very strong or irresistible impulse to travel.

I've got it bad. I've got it so so bad, you guys. I touched on this subject before when I moaned about staying in Provo while everyone else I know travels the world it seems, but seriously I am feeling so claustrophobic. I don't know what I'm doing with my life, and it feels absolutely pointless. Which is interesting, because I thought that would really fade when I decided on my major, but it seems to have increased, if anything.

Everywhere I look I see people doing things. And while I might be doing things, I don't really feel like that doing is deserving of italics of any sort. If I could sum up my month thus far in one word, it would be discouragement. Discouragement with the job search, discouragement with myself, discouragement with my attempt to be healthy again, discouragement as I watch other people doing things I wish I could do, discouragement as I try to follow promptings and find myself reaching situations that seem to be nothing more than dead ends.

I said earlier that I feel claustrophobic. That's so true, you know. I just feel like I want to get out, like I have this wanderlust that can't be satisfied right now and it's killing me. I love Provo, and I'm not lying when I say that. I love the people here and I love my ward and I love my campus and I love my roommates and I love living in the shadow of Y mountain. But somehow all of this isn't enough to make me content right now and that's just frustrating. I want to be out doing something different and new. And oh my gosh I think I'm craving change. Who would have ever thought I'd say that? But it's true, I need a change. A change of pace, scenery, people, I don't care -- I just want it to be different than what it is now.

It's really easy to be sad sometimes. And I don't ever want to find myself being sad more often that being happy. But the past couple weeks as things have finally slowed down in my life it's like being hit all over again with some certain sadness(es) that I thought I'd recovered from. I guess I just never thought banana bread and star gazing could make me so melancholy.

And boy oh boy I'm sorry to put such a depressing post on my blog. But it needed to be said and so this is where I'm going to do it. Because I can't be the friend that calls another to do nothing more than whine -- I've been on the other line and it's the pits. It's hard feeling this way and also not wanting to be selfish and just talk about it all the time. Because I know what it's like to have someone just talk about themselves and hardly pay you any heed. So I guess that's why I'm turning to this blog.

I shouldn't feel the need to excuse myself from writing honestly, I know. But I also don't want any of you to worry. I'm fine, just getting it out of my system. Tomorrow will be kinder.

solitude.

Monday night after my apartment through a rockin 4th Annual Integration Celebration in honor of MLK day, I attended a special FHE with my friend Alex. And not just any FHE, either, where you play a few rounds of apples to apples and someone makes brownies. As great and necessary as those are, this was more just a spiritual discussion and it was wonderful (as a side note, it made me pretty excited for some day when my husband and I can lead our family in spiritual family home evenings).

The above video was played and throughout the following discussion about listening to the spirit, I was pondering all the many distractions in my life.

There's something incredibly profound to be said about silence. About having time to think, to ponder. In our world today, there is rarely a minute when we have that silence and let our thoughts wander, listen, and communicate with God. I wake up, I turn on spotify and listen to a playlist while I get ready for the day. During breakfast, I do my first round of the day (check facebook, check blogger, check pinterest). I go to school, texting the whole way. I sit in class, and when it doesn't start right away I kill some time scrolling through my twitter and instagram newsfeeds. Once I finish that I'll usually play sudoku or some other app. Class starts (I do actually pay attention at this point). Class ends, I check my phone. New texts? New emails? More tweets?

And so it continues constantly.

Now I'm not saying everyone out there has it as bad as I do. But let's just say if we call this technology addiction a sickness, I'm going to come out and admit I have full-blown cancer. Okay, maybe not as bad as some people, but there's definitely some problems with the way I'm running my life, with my reliance on social media. I can justify it, of course. It's my form of record keeping, it's how I keep in contact with people I love, it's a form of self-expression. These are all completely valid, but I guess Monday night I realized that there a lot of other things that are more vital in my life.

Forget social networking, how is my spiritual networking? In that plugged-in day I just told you about, where was the spiritual side? Scripture study in the evenings, religion classes, they were all there, just not as prominent as so many other distractions I'd allowed into my life.

And so for that reason Monday night I was inspired to leave it behind indefinitely.

Not all of it. Because blog, I love you. I enjoy having a way to express myself through writing, and I want people to stay updated on my life (if they want to), and this is a pretty crucial part of record keeping. You can say I'm making excuses, but there it is and those are my decisions. Pinterest gets to stay too, but really only for recipes. I'm no longer just going to mindlessly scroll through, pinning projects that will never happen and claiming I'm becoming more "creative". I will, however, make some killer meals with that site.

Everything else though, it's gone. Twitter, facebook, instagram, all of it (by "gone" I mean my friend has all the passwords and their apps are deleted from my phone) It feels liberating, you know? Not to be so attached. I'll admit I've suffered some withdrawals  but I know it'll get better. I've taken some media fasts before just for a week or so, and they were always a good idea. Just think of how much better this will be.

So with that story, I leave you with a challenge:

Find the things in your life that are serving more as a distraction than anything else. Figure out what they are, and do something about it. I'm not saying you need to be as drastic as me and get rid of them all (unless you feel that's needed), but find some other way to lessen them. One idea I love is only spending as much time on facebook as you spend reading the scriptures each day. That way, if you want to justify more time, you're going to have to commit more time in the other direction, too. Another idea would be to try to replace them with something better. For example, every time I have the urge to get on facebook to communicate in one way or another, I'm going to put my computer away and go find someone to have a face-to-face conversation with. Just watch, I'm going to be such a good conversationalist in a few weeks time.

Whatever it is you feel would be good for your spiritual wellness, do it. I'm not just talking spiritual as in religion, I'm talking what will make your spirit feel better? What will let your soul breathe a little and stop feeling like it's being suffocated? Because it is, you know. All of us are.

Let's do this!

mindset.

Over the break, amidst countless other good intentions that never came true, I read a book. And what a book it was. Thank you, Dad, for bribing me to read this, because it's changed so much of my outlook on life. 

There are countless success books out there that try to teach you how to life a more fulfilled life. And while many of them are extremely helpful, I'm sure, I would recommend this one. While we've all been given advice or found those inspiring quotes while wasting time on pinterest about being yourself and going for your dreams and enjoying the moment, this book is able to really dissect all those feelings and figure out why some people are more fulfilled than others. And the key? Your mindset.

There's two kinds of mindset, and while I know I'll probably be butchering my quick summaries, barely touching on the depth of each one, I'll tell you what they are anyway: The fixed mindset, and the growth mindset.

In the fixed mindset, talent is everything. Success is proven by scores, by getting to the top, by high praise. She's an artist? Oh, well she has this natural artistic eye, and let's be real, I'm just not like that. He's the star of the basketball team? Of course, I mean look at his body and the natural abilities he's been given.

In the growth mindset, everything is about learning. Effort and hard work, that's what determines success. She graduated valedictorian? She got there because of hard work, not because she's a "genius". My coach corrects my technique? It doesn't hurt me, because growing is what I enjoy.

I realized as I read this book that I've been living the fixed mindset in so many aspects of my life. Folk dance in particular stood out to me. Stories in the book seemed to jump out almost as if they had been recorded from my very own life. I remembered a conversation with a friend a few months earlier. He had the growth mindset, I had the fixed.

Me: I love doing folk dance, but I really just enjoy it for the fun of it.
Friend: Well, Anna, do you want to get on one of the higher teams? Actually, that's a dumb question, of course you do. You're enrolled in 3 dance classes this semester for it.
Me: Well, yeah, I guess. I'd like that, but I know it's probably not going to happen, and that's okay.
Friend: Well how will you ever know if you don't try? If you don't give your all every time you dance? Wouldn't it be awful to go your whole folk dance experience and not to have tried your very best?
Me: But that's just it. I'm not a natural dancer. What if I were to try my very best, but fail? Wouldn't that be worse?
Friend: But Anna, you wouldn't have failed. You would have learned and grown so much. Remember how you auditioned for Divine Comedy but didn't make it? Do you consider that a failure?
Me: No, I learned and grew so much through the experience.
Friend: Exactly.
Me: But it's dancing, and I've never been a dancer.

Crazy, huh? Maybe not to you, but if you read the book, you'll realize how much of a fixed mindset I had about the matter. And it isn't that I necessarily have that mindset about everything, because, as seen in the conversation, I was able to enjoy the growth of the DC experience. Yet I was probably able to have that attitude because I already have some natural talent in comedy and acting, and because I made it to callbacks. Had I not made it to callbacks, I would have considered myself a failure. "I wasn't funny" I would have said, "Obviously this isn't my thing." I needed that official validation of making it to callbacks to consider my audition a success.

And here's another thing the book points out that really struck me - when did the phrase "I failed" become "I'm a failure"? And how often do we hear people say that? Since when has failing at one thing defined our entire identity?

So this semester I'm going to make a huge effort to change to the growth mindset. I'm going to study hard because I want to learn, not because I want to get a good test score. And when I don't get a good test score, instead of blaming the test, or just accepting that I'll never do well in that subject because "It's completely a left-brained subject and I'm a completely right-brained person, no big deal", I'm going to think about how I could have done better. What study techniques obviously didn't work? What did?

I'm going to give it my all in folk dance, 100% of the time. Not because I have to make it to the top per se, but because that's how I'm going to progress. And it's all about the progression. Even looking back to beginning of freshman year when I first auditioned, I've grown so much. Guys, I can clog now. Two years ago I never would have attempted clogging, but instead laughed and brushed it off with "I'm not a dancer. I can dance, sure, but I'm not a dancer. My mom and Katrina? They're natural dancers." But who cares? Other people in the program have been dancing for years, and I didn't start dancing until a year and a half ago. Yet here I am, holding my own. And I've come so far. How rewarding.

Seriously, people. Please go read this book, change your mindset, and embark on this journey with me!

neverland

I finally might have a job.

Well, three actually.

Which is more than I could have asked for and I am so happy about it. And so blessed and pleased that things have worked out so well for me.

I also just finished a book tonight. One I'd read before, but was still completely enthralled in nonetheless. Some people I've talked to don't like reading books more than once, but I can't seem to get enough of it. If I find a book I love, I'm definitely going to read it again, because I want to feel that happiness again. You know?

Anyway, now that I've finished it, I'm suffering from a serious bout of PBD (Post-Book Depression). I'm bedridden, actually.

So. I realized that when I get up tomorrow morning, there's not going to be as much freedom to lounge around and wake up when I feel like it, reading my book as I do so. And tomorrow I'll even have to say some goodbyes to my best friend/sister Teo when she and husband move out to Tennessee for the summer. That's no fun. And then I have my food handlers to get sometime throughout the day, as well as call that one place to work out my schedule but only after the other place gets back to me and let's me know my shift there first.

So, there's like... responsibility and stuff.

Which is cool. I mean, this is what I want, right? Yes, it is.

But.

There's still this little kid in me that wants to do nothing all day. I have the desire to just forget about that food and rent I'll be paying in the fall, and just go to Seven Peaks next week despite the training I should be doing. Because, I mean, it's finally getting warm and I'm just going to be cooped up inside all day?

And I really just want to start another book because books are the best and provide such a lovely distraction from real life sometimes. I also want to hop on a plane and visit my best friend Maddy, because I miss her like crazy and she gets me like other people don't. So I could just be completely silent with her and never feel the need to fill that silence. I'd be perfectly happy. Oddly enough, I wouldn't mind seeing Phoenix either, despite the dreadful weather right now.

But, even though my heart is aching to cruise in the jeep with a snoasis and not a care in the world, I know I've gotta do some responsible stuff.

Because I'm growing up and things are just like that.

Extro to Intro

You know, it's funny how you change as you get older.

I mean, not all that funny. Because that's sort of a given part of life. And you always hear people talk about how much you grow in college and teenage years and all that stuff. And in my head I was always thinking, "Yeah, I'll change, but I really think it won't be that much. I'm pretty much the person I'll be in adulthood."

Yeah, that was a false assumption.

I have changed immensely in the last year. In the last season. In the last 2 months. In the last week.

I always pictured myself an extrovert, mainly. A yellow. Whatever you want to call it.

And I was. Truthfully, I was.

In some ways, of course, I still am. I have no fear of public speaking, I like being the center of attention (one of my great flaws), I enjoy people laughing at my jokes, I love parties and big groups of friends.

But I think there's a possibility of have officially become and introvert.

I love sitting by myself in my room. Alone time is a necessity. Sometimes, I feel like being crazy on campus, but sometimes, I just don't. I like to get to sleep at a good hour so that I'll be happy the next day. When my roommate leaves the room, there's a sense of relief at being able to listen to my music and sing along, even though I really do think my roommate is great.

I like big groups, but sometimes I don't want to be in one.

For a while, I've been thinking this is a problem. I was disappointed with myself for not making lots of friends instantly because, quite honestly, I was comparing myself to my sister.

(Nothing personal to you, Trine.. this my fault) My sister is awesome. Really awesome. She made lots of friends freshman year, went on countless dates during her single college years, and somehow I was expecting my college experience to be the exact same. Trina and I are incredibly similar in our interests, how our high school experience played out, and the way we act.

But I realized that I need to stop expecting my life to be hers. Because it's not.

And it's okay if I'm not the incredible social person I always thought I was.

I still have that aspect of my personality, yes. But it's less prevalent than it used to be.

And I'm totally okay with that.

Because I'm not anyone else, and I don't have to be.

100th.

My 100th post, written from my lovely dorm room. A quick update:

-The FOL Conference was rockin. Like... really.

-I appreciate all your words of encouragement, my friends! It was nice to hear.

-I have a Harry Potter poster in my room.

-People seem to be really interested in my record player. Nbd. Instant friends (ha. that was a joke)

-I should have washed my hair this morning.

-Never fear, I will tomorrow.

-My sister gives great words of encouragement because

-I've cried like a baby more than once today.

-I met a guy tonight that is from Brother-in-Law's hometown! Crazy, because his hometown is in New Hampshire, and it's small.

-Love my family.

-The Cannon Center might... (dare I say it?) be bearable.

-That doesn't mean I don't have a stash of candy and mac n' cheese in my room.

-I'm so tired.

So goodnight.

I feel like I'm six again.

You know when you're young and you can't sleep the night before you set off for Disneyland? And when the excitement is almost unbearable on Christmas Eve, and sleep seems impossible?

That's what I feel like.

When I was little, I used to be really good at convincing myself to fall asleep. I had this routine where I would tell myself over and over again that everything to come was going to be lame. That the drive to Anaheim was going to be boring and cramped anyway, that Christmas was no big deal - open a few presents and it's over in a couple hours.

But now? I can't even try to convince myself that tomorrow is "no big deal".

I wonder if it's because I'm now a lot smarter than I was at six, and my brain is too smart to be fooled by those wonderful boring assurances. Or maybe it's because it really is a big deal, this departure into independence.

Either way, it's 4:56 and guess who can't sleep again.

Problemo.

I'm about to admit something I don't want to admit. Just to let y'all know:

I'm terrified to move out.

I'm scared.

Don't get me wrong... I'm definitely excited too. So excited. But lately the fear has been overwhelming the excitement. Obviously I'm going to love it. I'm going to love eating the ice cream flavor of my class and watching Tangled on the big screen outside at orientation. But what if don't have anyone to sit with? What if I don't have anything to wear because I forget to do my laundry?

And my roommate? She seems awesome. But what if she, I don't know... reads Twilight in her spare time? What if I dance on top of my bed and sing into the brush and she doesn't want to join in? That would be a problem, folks.

So then let's say I walk into the 107th ward and I get called as, I don't know... the relief society president or something?!

What if I don't go on any dates? My mom says I have a flirting problem. Apparently I'm inadequate. I just haven't flirted in a long time, because it hasn't been worth it to me. So my mom thinks I need to take lessons. Anyone want to help me out with that one?

And you know the strangest thing about fearing this move so much? 3 months ago, I couldn't wait. I was so ready. I wanted out. I wanted to be on my own. I could hardly contain my excitement to a socially acceptable show.

So I've come to the conclusion I peaked too soon. While others were saying they were so sad to leave things behind, I laughed behind their backs (no really, i did). I said to myself, "Wow. Let's show some independence, people. I just feel excitement. I wonder what it'd be like to be scared of college." And now?! I know what it's like.

And so I'm afraid to admit this. I'm struggling saying that I'm scared. Because if someone else had said something like this a while ago, I would've smirked.

People have already packed. I move out on Monday and most of my stuff is just sitting in a corner waiting for me.

I want my mom. She's the biggest comfort in this world. I love her too much. No. That's not right... I don't love her enough. I've never appreciated her as she should be. Who could? She's the best. And now when I need her most, she's either out serving our neighbors, or we're fighting over mundane things.

Oh shoot and now I'm crying. This is terrible.

I will do this. I know I will.

It's just the getting there that's difficult.

I'm sorry this post is sad. I'm sorry it's so dramatic. I hate dramatic blog posts. I'll be fine. It might be rough, but I'm sure once I'm down there in good ol' Provo, I'll love it and never want to leave. I'll probably write a similar post when I have to come home in the Spring, just watch.

I wouldn't be anywhere but here. I wouldn't want to be going back to High School next week. I love my life. This is awesome. Okay.

I'm done.

Impulse.

It's 4:59 am, and I woke from a really great dream at 4:16. You may ask, "Who suddenly wakes up from a great dream at 4 in the morning?" Yes, well, apparently I do, though I've still no idea why.

I've now acted on an impulse that could have stemmed from pure delusion and an active subconscious, and I can only hope it pays off. Now I'm just sitting in bed, listening to the sound of sprinklers and distant cars, trying to fall back asleep. As always when I wake up early, I'm starving, but I keep telling my stomach I'll be asleep again soon, so it should just calm down and wait for my dreams to take over again.

It's now 5:05. I move out in about 2 1/2 weeks, you know. It's crazy. I've been anticipating this upcoming day for months - years really - and now that it's here, I keep fearing I'm not ready. There are so many risks and changes I'm about to take and make in my life, and I'm so excited for this new stage in life. Yet so many things could go terribly wrong. I know everything this past year has readied me for this upcoming one, and honestly, I am mostly not scared. Mostly, I feel unbridled excitement. This excitement just tends to have frequent jabs of uncertainty that my human fears will come true.

5:17, and the sprinklers have now stopped. Instead, I can now hear the birds singing. Or rather, one bird. Really, I'm not sure how many I'm listening to right now. But they do seem to have a calming affect.

Huh. That's weird. Either I just went back in time 3 minutes, or I misread the time a few minutes ago, because it now says 5:14. Well, technically 5:15. But when I started that sentence it was 5:14. Either way, it seems I've discovered time travel. That's fairly awesome.

I therefore say this post is over, and I will again attempt sleep. It is now 5:16 and I have been awake one whole hour. In that hour I figured out how to travel through time, so I'd say it's been pretty successful.

Good morning.

This is it.

...No really, this is it.

I can hardly believe it. Actually, I can't at all.

I graduate from high school tomorrow.

What a strange concept. To be completely down with something that has been a part of my life since I was 5. No more of the public school system. No more lockers. No more theatre. No more so many things.

About this time last year, we as a student council went on a great retreat- Bird's eye. It was there that Kelsey and I submitted that "This is it" be our theme for the year, and it was there that all the SBOs agreed on it. Despite the fact that often this theme has seemed over-used and many jokes were made off of it, I am so grateful for our theme. What better motto to go with our final year of high school?

Because really, this is it. I hate when people go through life with a "I'll be happy when" mentality. "Oh, I'll be happy when I'm in college." "When I have a family." "When I get through school."

No. Be happy now, because this is what's happening. This is it.

And now I've reached such a pivotal "this is it" moment in my own life, with graduation less than 24 hours away. Everything is going to change. I'm fine with that change, in all honesty. Maybe it hasn't settled in and I'll be an emotional wreck next fall, but let's hope not.

I'm pretty sure I might shed some tears at graduation tomorrow though. And yay me, I get to sit on the stand for everyone to watch me cry. So if you happen to see that, just pretend you didn't. Also, find me at graduation all you people, I want a picture.

So guys: it's been fun, and I can't wait for our futures - because they're here, right before us.

This is it.

A Couple Things

1. Funny, how much you change in a year.

2. Prom was pretty much perfect. I'll post pictures soon.

3. BYU is going to be awesome... if I can get a place to live.

4. Everyone can now call me Chief of Security. And Harv is my new best friend.

A letter to P & P

Dear Play,

You're my last one.

My last one in high school, before I go off and pursue totally different things. Sure, I may be a part of a community play later in life, but I don't think I'm going to stick with this theater thing, much as I love it.

Taking this all into consideration, I feel like I should be more sad to see you go.

But you know what? I'm really not.

Maybe it's because I've reached a point in my life where change is good. Where change is what I need. And where I'm content with saying goodbye to some things and hello to others.

So, my dear play, as I head off to perform you for the last time tonight, I say a bittersweet, but mostly sweet, farewell.

Thanks for all the fun times.

Love,
Anna

i am writing.

so here i am.

writing.

i don't really know what i'm writing about, to be honest. i just felt like i've neglected my blog of late a little. and not that you really care or missed it, but i feel like keeping it updated is a good thing for me. so i've decided to force myself to write something and we'll just see what comes from these clicking keys.

you may have noticed i'm writing in lower case, and a lack of capitalization exists.

you are not, indeed, going crazy. because i most definitely have been using correct punctuation (to the best of my abilities) up to this point in time.

but something happened the other day. i got really really sick of doing that. i don't know why, but it happened. so i'm using lower case for the time being. if you feel this lowers your opinion of me, i'm sorry.

anywho. the new year came and went and i didn't do much to celebrate it on this blog (or anywhere, really. i felt nauseous as the clock hit midnight, and promptly left a party. what an awesome way to ring in the new year, right?). so. i'm going to just jump on this bandwagon going around by saying i'm jumping on the bandwagon.

i'll let you know about this past year.

pictures? yes, i like that idea.

okay no wait. not just yet. first, reflection.

i learned a lot this year. i really changed and grew as a person, and i feel entirely different from how i felt this time last year. 2010 was, all in all, a really great year filled with happy stories.

some lessons i already knew and some lessons i learned:

1. making new friends is the best.

2. hard work pays off (the ap test, student council, my job, etc.)

3. my family consists of my closest friends, and i love them all so much.

4. change is healthy.

5. acceptance of change is even healthier.

6. this is it.

7. high school is the best.

8. ...that i know so far. because i can't wait to go to college.

9. teachers can teach more than their subject.

10. i love history.

11. communication is important in any type of relationship (friends, love interests, parents)

12. and texting is not communicating.

13. you can't ever wait for someone else's approval to feel validated. you need to love yourself anyway.

14. this church is without a doubt true.

15. classy things and classy people make life.... classy.

16. follow through on everything.

17. disappointments come and go.

18. you can't ever want to please someone so much you compromise yourself.

19. and speaking of which, i really like myself. and i'm okay with how i am.

20. smiles and positive thinking can turn a day around in an instant.


okay so i'm sorry that was a lot. but i learned a lot this year, so.... yeah. maybe we can have a heart to heart and i can elaborate on each point. i tried to keep them as concise as possible.

and now for pictures.

my disclaimer is that our computer died last spring, so i don't particularly want to go through all those photos because that means doing something complicated. maybe a couple of pictures from pre-computer-crash, but mostly they're from this summer and fall and winter.

<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjPdK8Nh5EkmMzk8Ph6OLXe1BRmQpxChEyf88czRTOfH7NA5TiD6YaBfo55aMqqmj_Ufc2CpRLegoU0NB_ko7HP0af-LcaHN-VA5UYzns8Yjnqk6PjJvpNyfApjEwTlaOiEoxGvBGY5e7Da/s1600/Summer+2010+023.JPG"> </a> <a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjA6E9H4ttHv2SYhcrjaLhaMFGq7kIXEWFdipF2IYdGy7U_EwePrct7TmWA4l6wAVAurYg5SgP6AKTnfJNysyJdUp2aV92Ax5z2-j7jEbS-IEpxrl-nyNHMysYzaFZ5gN4Go0hIftbhMt5x/s1600/Summer+2010+031.JPG"> </a> <a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg840huLHN3dYa7dORHdgjCICjqyjL5VSbxyUYmuRK_4VVLw4LF21iqhcM4lr2OaLl8kzLTaPcCkYKDhdmesHAO_VAuN3hKwjxE_VmMy4Ct8eSy_y649RBqydAvNX0fJnmCtNkmhxxhz-5C/s1600/Summer+2010+001.JPG"> </a> <a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgNh4aRKeaOezkZSdSU4b5NkgodqhBAMRTiz1cSi3e3bnkCnpvfqu0fZNlZkNKhjTXBKiDDsTS68gVQ2xHUVwm23orgHPbakJlgG77noAIyfbZ4TdpmNbSLK0jAwUZKpr7nlxp_-UkbeE_C/s1600/Summer+2010+207.JPG"> </a> <a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhn94Sml0kYsVV_P3XMOPX71pGCvf9PQsfan6KVRdpZXiAeyQw_ZWDLRHS2Vv0MMslj280jAyWkSMy9SbLiXCxkTDXPGjq63e-B_2tRwkKlN9rJ1MR5SKxQ-Cbn3nHnfWU344MLoppz6xrX/s1600/Summer+2010+195.JPG"> </a> so here i am. writing. i don't really know what i'm writing about, to be honest. i just felt like i've neglected my blog of late a little. and not that you really care or missed it, but i feel like keeping it updated is a good thing for me. so i've decided to force myself to write something and we'll just see what comes from these clicking keys. you may have noticed i'm writing in lower case, and a lack of capitalization exists. you are not, indeed, going crazy. because i most definitely have been using correct punctuation (to the best of my abilities) up to this point in time. but something happened the other day. i got really really sick of doing that. i don't know why, but it happened. so i'm using lower case for the time being. if you feel this lowers your opinion of me, i'm sorry. anywho. the new year came and went and i didn't do much to celebrate it on this blog (or anywhere, really. i felt nauseous as the clock hit midnight, and promptly left a party. what an awesome way to ring in the new year, right?). so. i'm going to just jump on this bandwagon going around by saying i'm jumping on the bandwagon. i'll let you know about this past year. pictures? yes, i like that idea. okay no wait. not just yet. first, reflection. i learned a lot this year. i really changed and grew as a person, and i feel entirely different from how i felt this time last year. 2010 was, all in all, a really great year filled with happy stories. some lessons i already knew and some lessons i learned: 1. making new friends is the best. 2. hard work pays off (the ap test, student council, my job, etc.) 3. my family consists of my closest friends, and i love them all so much. 4. change is healthy. 5. acceptance of change is even healthier. 6. this is it. 7. high school is the best. 8. ...that i know so far. because i can't wait to go to college. 9. teachers can teach more than their subject. 10. i love history. 11. communication is important in any type of relationship (friends, love interests, parents) 12. and texting is not communicating. 13. you can't ever wait for someone else's approval to feel validated. you need to love yourself anyway. 14. this church is without a doubt true. 15. classy things and classy people make life.... classy. 16. follow through on everything. 17. disappointments come and go. 18. you can't ever want to please someone so much you compromise yourself. 19. and speaking of which, i really like myself. and i'm okay with how i am. 20. smiles and positive thinking can turn a day around in an instant. okay so i'm sorry that was a lot. but i learned a lot this year, so.... yeah. maybe we can have a heart to heart and i can elaborate on each point. i tried to keep them as concise as possible. and now for pictures. my disclaimer is that our computer died last spring, so i don't particularly want to go through all those photos because that means doing something complicated. maybe a couple of pictures from pre-computer-crash, but mostly they're from this summer and fall and winter. <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiO1Pvc24kfTvXnyxFLhx3O8ulHxx2PCF8VKxI6dLDGjDYDL6Xzhyphenhyphen097VIJjMQW1uvxfZN9K4ooyvBi2O8Gg3kM9qcGHJFB3LbWWcZUsRzd9nqVyNWXRYbO7NrQ6UW9OPPtYya3dk0K_W6x/s1600/cowgirl+11.jpg"><img style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 417px; height: 312px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiO1Pvc24kfTvXnyxFLhx3O8ulHxx2PCF8VKxI6dLDGjDYDL6Xzhyphenhyphen097VIJjMQW1uvxfZN9K4ooyvBi2O8Gg3kM9qcGHJFB3LbWWcZUsRzd9nqVyNWXRYbO7NrQ6UW9OPPtYya3dk0K_W6x/s400/cowgirl+11.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5561077851148299890" border="0" /></a>bird's eye: student council retreat, our attractive photoshoot. <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg40KYnnUycQ3vHHTZ0kfgqWinUoGmVHQWJILn-xZ6G-kKj7KN_ejiA3yZCaepNReHLnqFWqqtogx0x5mEX6erXjPIo4VJOwJ29ipyv04GXv1Xhh7gieaJiaCBGyE_wfiHK7IyNmZLR0w4z/s1600/Summer+2010+202.JPG"><img style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 407px; height: 305px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg40KYnnUycQ3vHHTZ0kfgqWinUoGmVHQWJILn-xZ6G-kKj7KN_ejiA3yZCaepNReHLnqFWqqtogx0x5mEX6erXjPIo4VJOwJ29ipyv04GXv1Xhh7gieaJiaCBGyE_wfiHK7IyNmZLR0w4z/s400/Summer+2010+202.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5561078487991503138" border="0" /></a>youth conference: june. team "delivery"! <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiEZP9_DMcrzRFfNNB4whP93Cqj9V1vOu4Z98JR9V6GDdZtnVAi8UyQtB0i6suyaJ9lgVF5qnY6HZ5R_OEC0FxgYsVgt9qGBhiSAu_CVPPFZ07dARE0tvYVwwozFucMKxp-nvbUh2e7HdXS/s1600/Summer+2010+029.JPG"><img style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 420px; height: 314px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiEZP9_DMcrzRFfNNB4whP93Cqj9V1vOu4Z98JR9V6GDdZtnVAi8UyQtB0i6suyaJ9lgVF5qnY6HZ5R_OEC0FxgYsVgt9qGBhiSAu_CVPPFZ07dARE0tvYVwwozFucMKxp-nvbUh2e7HdXS/s400/Summer+2010+029.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5561079489419179170" border="0" /></a>me and kendra: lagoon. <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhn94Sml0kYsVV_P3XMOPX71pGCvf9PQsfan6KVRdpZXiAeyQw_ZWDLRHS2Vv0MMslj280jAyWkSMy9SbLiXCxkTDXPGjq63e-B_2tRwkKlN9rJ1MR5SKxQ-Cbn3nHnfWU344MLoppz6xrX/s1600/Summer+2010+195.JPG"><img style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 404px; height: 302px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhn94Sml0kYsVV_P3XMOPX71pGCvf9PQsfan6KVRdpZXiAeyQw_ZWDLRHS2Vv0MMslj280jAyWkSMy9SbLiXCxkTDXPGjq63e-B_2tRwkKlN9rJ1MR5SKxQ-Cbn3nHnfWU344MLoppz6xrX/s400/Summer+2010+195.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5561080085305768930" border="0" /></a>girl's camp: me and my girls. :) only the best group ever. mary poppins forever. <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgNh4aRKeaOezkZSdSU4b5NkgodqhBAMRTiz1cSi3e3bnkCnpvfqu0fZNlZkNKhjTXBKiDDsTS68gVQ2xHUVwm23orgHPbakJlgG77noAIyfbZ4TdpmNbSLK0jAwUZKpr7nlxp_-UkbeE_C/s1600/Summer+2010+207.JPG"><img style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 412px; height: 309px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgNh4aRKeaOezkZSdSU4b5NkgodqhBAMRTiz1cSi3e3bnkCnpvfqu0fZNlZkNKhjTXBKiDDsTS68gVQ2xHUVwm23orgHPbakJlgG77noAIyfbZ4TdpmNbSLK0jAwUZKpr7nlxp_-UkbeE_C/s400/Summer+2010+207.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5561080768257677650" border="0" /></a>the fifth of july: spent the day with evan and his family at the freedom festival in provo. me and his sister claire got matching hair, and it totally rocked. <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg840huLHN3dYa7dORHdgjCICjqyjL5VSbxyUYmuRK_4VVLw4LF21iqhcM4lr2OaLl8kzLTaPcCkYKDhdmesHAO_VAuN3hKwjxE_VmMy4Ct8eSy_y649RBqydAvNX0fJnmCtNkmhxxhz-5C/s1600/Summer+2010+001.JPG"><img style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 409px; height: 307px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg840huLHN3dYa7dORHdgjCICjqyjL5VSbxyUYmuRK_4VVLw4LF21iqhcM4lr2OaLl8kzLTaPcCkYKDhdmesHAO_VAuN3hKwjxE_VmMy4Ct8eSy_y649RBqydAvNX0fJnmCtNkmhxxhz-5C/s400/Summer+2010+001.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5561081372680330034" border="0" /></a>girl's night: this is the only picture i had from the time maddy spent here, so it's rather lame. but the point is that my very best friend came to visit me. <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjA6E9H4ttHv2SYhcrjaLhaMFGq7kIXEWFdipF2IYdGy7U_EwePrct7TmWA4l6wAVAurYg5SgP6AKTnfJNysyJdUp2aV92Ax5z2-j7jEbS-IEpxrl-nyNHMysYzaFZ5gN4Go0hIftbhMt5x/s1600/Summer+2010+031.JPG"><img style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 405px; height: 303px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjA6E9H4ttHv2SYhcrjaLhaMFGq7kIXEWFdipF2IYdGy7U_EwePrct7TmWA4l6wAVAurYg5SgP6AKTnfJNysyJdUp2aV92Ax5z2-j7jEbS-IEpxrl-nyNHMysYzaFZ5gN4Go0hIftbhMt5x/s400/Summer+2010+031.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5561082169136494850" border="0" /></a>drive-in: me, sarah, alyssa, caroline, christian, and becca all went to a drive-in theater. life goal? check. <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjPdK8Nh5EkmMzk8Ph6OLXe1BRmQpxChEyf88czRTOfH7NA5TiD6YaBfo55aMqqmj_Ufc2CpRLegoU0NB_ko7HP0af-LcaHN-VA5UYzns8Yjnqk6PjJvpNyfApjEwTlaOiEoxGvBGY5e7Da/s1600/Summer+2010+023.JPG"><img style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 405px; height: 302px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjPdK8Nh5EkmMzk8Ph6OLXe1BRmQpxChEyf88czRTOfH7NA5TiD6YaBfo55aMqqmj_Ufc2CpRLegoU0NB_ko7HP0af-LcaHN-VA5UYzns8Yjnqk6PjJvpNyfApjEwTlaOiEoxGvBGY5e7Da/s400/Summer+2010+023.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5561082757055577778" border="0" /></a>park city: kendra and i had a blast on top of a mountain, among other things.

<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjPdK8Nh5EkmMzk8Ph6OLXe1BRmQpxChEyf88czRTOfH7NA5TiD6YaBfo55aMqqmj_Ufc2CpRLegoU0NB_ko7HP0af-LcaHN-VA5UYzns8Yjnqk6PjJvpNyfApjEwTlaOiEoxGvBGY5e7Da/s1600/Summer+2010+023.JPG"> </a> <a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjA6E9H4ttHv2SYhcrjaLhaMFGq7kIXEWFdipF2IYdGy7U_EwePrct7TmWA4l6wAVAurYg5SgP6AKTnfJNysyJdUp2aV92Ax5z2-j7jEbS-IEpxrl-nyNHMysYzaFZ5gN4Go0hIftbhMt5x/s1600/Summer+2010+031.JPG"> </a> <a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg840huLHN3dYa7dORHdgjCICjqyjL5VSbxyUYmuRK_4VVLw4LF21iqhcM4lr2OaLl8kzLTaPcCkYKDhdmesHAO_VAuN3hKwjxE_VmMy4Ct8eSy_y649RBqydAvNX0fJnmCtNkmhxxhz-5C/s1600/Summer+2010+001.JPG"> </a> <a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgNh4aRKeaOezkZSdSU4b5NkgodqhBAMRTiz1cSi3e3bnkCnpvfqu0fZNlZkNKhjTXBKiDDsTS68gVQ2xHUVwm23orgHPbakJlgG77noAIyfbZ4TdpmNbSLK0jAwUZKpr7nlxp_-UkbeE_C/s1600/Summer+2010+207.JPG"> </a> <a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhn94Sml0kYsVV_P3XMOPX71pGCvf9PQsfan6KVRdpZXiAeyQw_ZWDLRHS2Vv0MMslj280jAyWkSMy9SbLiXCxkTDXPGjq63e-B_2tRwkKlN9rJ1MR5SKxQ-Cbn3nHnfWU344MLoppz6xrX/s1600/Summer+2010+195.JPG"> </a> so here i am. writing. i don't really know what i'm writing about, to be honest. i just felt like i've neglected my blog of late a little. and not that you really care or missed it, but i feel like keeping it updated is a good thing for me. so i've decided to force myself to write something and we'll just see what comes from these clicking keys. you may have noticed i'm writing in lower case, and a lack of capitalization exists. you are not, indeed, going crazy. because i most definitely have been using correct punctuation (to the best of my abilities) up to this point in time. but something happened the other day. i got really really sick of doing that. i don't know why, but it happened. so i'm using lower case for the time being. if you feel this lowers your opinion of me, i'm sorry. anywho. the new year came and went and i didn't do much to celebrate it on this blog (or anywhere, really. i felt nauseous as the clock hit midnight, and promptly left a party. what an awesome way to ring in the new year, right?). so. i'm going to just jump on this bandwagon going around by saying i'm jumping on the bandwagon. i'll let you know about this past year. pictures? yes, i like that idea. okay no wait. not just yet. first, reflection. i learned a lot this year. i really changed and grew as a person, and i feel entirely different from how i felt this time last year. 2010 was, all in all, a really great year filled with happy stories. some lessons i already knew and some lessons i learned: 1. making new friends is the best. 2. hard work pays off (the ap test, student council, my job, etc.) 3. my family consists of my closest friends, and i love them all so much. 4. change is healthy. 5. acceptance of change is even healthier. 6. this is it. 7. high school is the best. 8. ...that i know so far. because i can't wait to go to college. 9. teachers can teach more than their subject. 10. i love history. 11. communication is important in any type of relationship (friends, love interests, parents) 12. and texting is not communicating. 13. you can't ever wait for someone else's approval to feel validated. you need to love yourself anyway. 14. this church is without a doubt true. 15. classy things and classy people make life.... classy. 16. follow through on everything. 17. disappointments come and go. 18. you can't ever want to please someone so much you compromise yourself. 19. and speaking of which, i really like myself. and i'm okay with how i am. 20. smiles and positive thinking can turn a day around in an instant. okay so i'm sorry that was a lot. but i learned a lot this year, so.... yeah. maybe we can have a heart to heart and i can elaborate on each point. i tried to keep them as concise as possible. and now for pictures. my disclaimer is that our computer died last spring, so i don't particularly want to go through all those photos because that means doing something complicated. maybe a couple of pictures from pre-computer-crash, but mostly they're from this summer and fall and winter. <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiO1Pvc24kfTvXnyxFLhx3O8ulHxx2PCF8VKxI6dLDGjDYDL6Xzhyphenhyphen097VIJjMQW1uvxfZN9K4ooyvBi2O8Gg3kM9qcGHJFB3LbWWcZUsRzd9nqVyNWXRYbO7NrQ6UW9OPPtYya3dk0K_W6x/s1600/cowgirl+11.jpg"><img style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 417px; height: 312px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiO1Pvc24kfTvXnyxFLhx3O8ulHxx2PCF8VKxI6dLDGjDYDL6Xzhyphenhyphen097VIJjMQW1uvxfZN9K4ooyvBi2O8Gg3kM9qcGHJFB3LbWWcZUsRzd9nqVyNWXRYbO7NrQ6UW9OPPtYya3dk0K_W6x/s400/cowgirl+11.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5561077851148299890" border="0" /></a>bird's eye: student council retreat, our attractive photoshoot. <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg40KYnnUycQ3vHHTZ0kfgqWinUoGmVHQWJILn-xZ6G-kKj7KN_ejiA3yZCaepNReHLnqFWqqtogx0x5mEX6erXjPIo4VJOwJ29ipyv04GXv1Xhh7gieaJiaCBGyE_wfiHK7IyNmZLR0w4z/s1600/Summer+2010+202.JPG"><img style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 407px; height: 305px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg40KYnnUycQ3vHHTZ0kfgqWinUoGmVHQWJILn-xZ6G-kKj7KN_ejiA3yZCaepNReHLnqFWqqtogx0x5mEX6erXjPIo4VJOwJ29ipyv04GXv1Xhh7gieaJiaCBGyE_wfiHK7IyNmZLR0w4z/s400/Summer+2010+202.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5561078487991503138" border="0" /></a>youth conference: june. team "delivery"! <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiEZP9_DMcrzRFfNNB4whP93Cqj9V1vOu4Z98JR9V6GDdZtnVAi8UyQtB0i6suyaJ9lgVF5qnY6HZ5R_OEC0FxgYsVgt9qGBhiSAu_CVPPFZ07dARE0tvYVwwozFucMKxp-nvbUh2e7HdXS/s1600/Summer+2010+029.JPG"><img style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 420px; height: 314px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiEZP9_DMcrzRFfNNB4whP93Cqj9V1vOu4Z98JR9V6GDdZtnVAi8UyQtB0i6suyaJ9lgVF5qnY6HZ5R_OEC0FxgYsVgt9qGBhiSAu_CVPPFZ07dARE0tvYVwwozFucMKxp-nvbUh2e7HdXS/s400/Summer+2010+029.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5561079489419179170" border="0" /></a>me and kendra: lagoon. <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhn94Sml0kYsVV_P3XMOPX71pGCvf9PQsfan6KVRdpZXiAeyQw_ZWDLRHS2Vv0MMslj280jAyWkSMy9SbLiXCxkTDXPGjq63e-B_2tRwkKlN9rJ1MR5SKxQ-Cbn3nHnfWU344MLoppz6xrX/s1600/Summer+2010+195.JPG"><img style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 404px; height: 302px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhn94Sml0kYsVV_P3XMOPX71pGCvf9PQsfan6KVRdpZXiAeyQw_ZWDLRHS2Vv0MMslj280jAyWkSMy9SbLiXCxkTDXPGjq63e-B_2tRwkKlN9rJ1MR5SKxQ-Cbn3nHnfWU344MLoppz6xrX/s400/Summer+2010+195.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5561080085305768930" border="0" /></a>girl's camp: me and my girls. :) only the best group ever. mary poppins forever. <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgNh4aRKeaOezkZSdSU4b5NkgodqhBAMRTiz1cSi3e3bnkCnpvfqu0fZNlZkNKhjTXBKiDDsTS68gVQ2xHUVwm23orgHPbakJlgG77noAIyfbZ4TdpmNbSLK0jAwUZKpr7nlxp_-UkbeE_C/s1600/Summer+2010+207.JPG"><img style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 412px; height: 309px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgNh4aRKeaOezkZSdSU4b5NkgodqhBAMRTiz1cSi3e3bnkCnpvfqu0fZNlZkNKhjTXBKiDDsTS68gVQ2xHUVwm23orgHPbakJlgG77noAIyfbZ4TdpmNbSLK0jAwUZKpr7nlxp_-UkbeE_C/s400/Summer+2010+207.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5561080768257677650" border="0" /></a>the fifth of july: spent the day with evan and his family at the freedom festival in provo. me and his sister claire got matching hair, and it totally rocked. <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg840huLHN3dYa7dORHdgjCICjqyjL5VSbxyUYmuRK_4VVLw4LF21iqhcM4lr2OaLl8kzLTaPcCkYKDhdmesHAO_VAuN3hKwjxE_VmMy4Ct8eSy_y649RBqydAvNX0fJnmCtNkmhxxhz-5C/s1600/Summer+2010+001.JPG"><img style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 409px; height: 307px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg840huLHN3dYa7dORHdgjCICjqyjL5VSbxyUYmuRK_4VVLw4LF21iqhcM4lr2OaLl8kzLTaPcCkYKDhdmesHAO_VAuN3hKwjxE_VmMy4Ct8eSy_y649RBqydAvNX0fJnmCtNkmhxxhz-5C/s400/Summer+2010+001.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5561081372680330034" border="0" /></a>girl's night: this is the only picture i had from the time maddy spent here, so it's rather lame. but the point is that my very best friend came to visit me. <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjA6E9H4ttHv2SYhcrjaLhaMFGq7kIXEWFdipF2IYdGy7U_EwePrct7TmWA4l6wAVAurYg5SgP6AKTnfJNysyJdUp2aV92Ax5z2-j7jEbS-IEpxrl-nyNHMysYzaFZ5gN4Go0hIftbhMt5x/s1600/Summer+2010+031.JPG"><img style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 405px; height: 303px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjA6E9H4ttHv2SYhcrjaLhaMFGq7kIXEWFdipF2IYdGy7U_EwePrct7TmWA4l6wAVAurYg5SgP6AKTnfJNysyJdUp2aV92Ax5z2-j7jEbS-IEpxrl-nyNHMysYzaFZ5gN4Go0hIftbhMt5x/s400/Summer+2010+031.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5561082169136494850" border="0" /></a>drive-in: me, sarah, alyssa, caroline, christian, and becca all went to a drive-in theater. life goal? check. <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjPdK8Nh5EkmMzk8Ph6OLXe1BRmQpxChEyf88czRTOfH7NA5TiD6YaBfo55aMqqmj_Ufc2CpRLegoU0NB_ko7HP0af-LcaHN-VA5UYzns8Yjnqk6PjJvpNyfApjEwTlaOiEoxGvBGY5e7Da/s1600/Summer+2010+023.JPG"><img style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 405px; height: 302px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjPdK8Nh5EkmMzk8Ph6OLXe1BRmQpxChEyf88czRTOfH7NA5TiD6YaBfo55aMqqmj_Ufc2CpRLegoU0NB_ko7HP0af-LcaHN-VA5UYzns8Yjnqk6PjJvpNyfApjEwTlaOiEoxGvBGY5e7Da/s400/Summer+2010+023.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5561082757055577778" border="0" /></a>park city: kendra and i had a blast on top of a mountain, among other things.

<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjPdK8Nh5EkmMzk8Ph6OLXe1BRmQpxChEyf88czRTOfH7NA5TiD6YaBfo55aMqqmj_Ufc2CpRLegoU0NB_ko7HP0af-LcaHN-VA5UYzns8Yjnqk6PjJvpNyfApjEwTlaOiEoxGvBGY5e7Da/s1600/Summer+2010+023.JPG"> </a> <a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjA6E9H4ttHv2SYhcrjaLhaMFGq7kIXEWFdipF2IYdGy7U_EwePrct7TmWA4l6wAVAurYg5SgP6AKTnfJNysyJdUp2aV92Ax5z2-j7jEbS-IEpxrl-nyNHMysYzaFZ5gN4Go0hIftbhMt5x/s1600/Summer+2010+031.JPG"> </a> <a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg840huLHN3dYa7dORHdgjCICjqyjL5VSbxyUYmuRK_4VVLw4LF21iqhcM4lr2OaLl8kzLTaPcCkYKDhdmesHAO_VAuN3hKwjxE_VmMy4Ct8eSy_y649RBqydAvNX0fJnmCtNkmhxxhz-5C/s1600/Summer+2010+001.JPG"> </a> <a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgNh4aRKeaOezkZSdSU4b5NkgodqhBAMRTiz1cSi3e3bnkCnpvfqu0fZNlZkNKhjTXBKiDDsTS68gVQ2xHUVwm23orgHPbakJlgG77noAIyfbZ4TdpmNbSLK0jAwUZKpr7nlxp_-UkbeE_C/s1600/Summer+2010+207.JPG"> </a> <a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhn94Sml0kYsVV_P3XMOPX71pGCvf9PQsfan6KVRdpZXiAeyQw_ZWDLRHS2Vv0MMslj280jAyWkSMy9SbLiXCxkTDXPGjq63e-B_2tRwkKlN9rJ1MR5SKxQ-Cbn3nHnfWU344MLoppz6xrX/s1600/Summer+2010+195.JPG"> </a> so here i am. writing. i don't really know what i'm writing about, to be honest. i just felt like i've neglected my blog of late a little. and not that you really care or missed it, but i feel like keeping it updated is a good thing for me. so i've decided to force myself to write something and we'll just see what comes from these clicking keys. you may have noticed i'm writing in lower case, and a lack of capitalization exists. you are not, indeed, going crazy. because i most definitely have been using correct punctuation (to the best of my abilities) up to this point in time. but something happened the other day. i got really really sick of doing that. i don't know why, but it happened. so i'm using lower case for the time being. if you feel this lowers your opinion of me, i'm sorry. anywho. the new year came and went and i didn't do much to celebrate it on this blog (or anywhere, really. i felt nauseous as the clock hit midnight, and promptly left a party. what an awesome way to ring in the new year, right?). so. i'm going to just jump on this bandwagon going around by saying i'm jumping on the bandwagon. i'll let you know about this past year. pictures? yes, i like that idea. okay no wait. not just yet. first, reflection. i learned a lot this year. i really changed and grew as a person, and i feel entirely different from how i felt this time last year. 2010 was, all in all, a really great year filled with happy stories. some lessons i already knew and some lessons i learned: 1. making new friends is the best. 2. hard work pays off (the ap test, student council, my job, etc.) 3. my family consists of my closest friends, and i love them all so much. 4. change is healthy. 5. acceptance of change is even healthier. 6. this is it. 7. high school is the best. 8. ...that i know so far. because i can't wait to go to college. 9. teachers can teach more than their subject. 10. i love history. 11. communication is important in any type of relationship (friends, love interests, parents) 12. and texting is not communicating. 13. you can't ever wait for someone else's approval to feel validated. you need to love yourself anyway. 14. this church is without a doubt true. 15. classy things and classy people make life.... classy. 16. follow through on everything. 17. disappointments come and go. 18. you can't ever want to please someone so much you compromise yourself. 19. and speaking of which, i really like myself. and i'm okay with how i am. 20. smiles and positive thinking can turn a day around in an instant. okay so i'm sorry that was a lot. but i learned a lot this year, so.... yeah. maybe we can have a heart to heart and i can elaborate on each point. i tried to keep them as concise as possible. and now for pictures. my disclaimer is that our computer died last spring, so i don't particularly want to go through all those photos because that means doing something complicated. maybe a couple of pictures from pre-computer-crash, but mostly they're from this summer and fall and winter. <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiO1Pvc24kfTvXnyxFLhx3O8ulHxx2PCF8VKxI6dLDGjDYDL6Xzhyphenhyphen097VIJjMQW1uvxfZN9K4ooyvBi2O8Gg3kM9qcGHJFB3LbWWcZUsRzd9nqVyNWXRYbO7NrQ6UW9OPPtYya3dk0K_W6x/s1600/cowgirl+11.jpg"><img style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 417px; height: 312px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiO1Pvc24kfTvXnyxFLhx3O8ulHxx2PCF8VKxI6dLDGjDYDL6Xzhyphenhyphen097VIJjMQW1uvxfZN9K4ooyvBi2O8Gg3kM9qcGHJFB3LbWWcZUsRzd9nqVyNWXRYbO7NrQ6UW9OPPtYya3dk0K_W6x/s400/cowgirl+11.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5561077851148299890" border="0" /></a>bird's eye: student council retreat, our attractive photoshoot. <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg40KYnnUycQ3vHHTZ0kfgqWinUoGmVHQWJILn-xZ6G-kKj7KN_ejiA3yZCaepNReHLnqFWqqtogx0x5mEX6erXjPIo4VJOwJ29ipyv04GXv1Xhh7gieaJiaCBGyE_wfiHK7IyNmZLR0w4z/s1600/Summer+2010+202.JPG"><img style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 407px; height: 305px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg40KYnnUycQ3vHHTZ0kfgqWinUoGmVHQWJILn-xZ6G-kKj7KN_ejiA3yZCaepNReHLnqFWqqtogx0x5mEX6erXjPIo4VJOwJ29ipyv04GXv1Xhh7gieaJiaCBGyE_wfiHK7IyNmZLR0w4z/s400/Summer+2010+202.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5561078487991503138" border="0" /></a>youth conference: june. team "delivery"! <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiEZP9_DMcrzRFfNNB4whP93Cqj9V1vOu4Z98JR9V6GDdZtnVAi8UyQtB0i6suyaJ9lgVF5qnY6HZ5R_OEC0FxgYsVgt9qGBhiSAu_CVPPFZ07dARE0tvYVwwozFucMKxp-nvbUh2e7HdXS/s1600/Summer+2010+029.JPG"><img style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 420px; height: 314px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiEZP9_DMcrzRFfNNB4whP93Cqj9V1vOu4Z98JR9V6GDdZtnVAi8UyQtB0i6suyaJ9lgVF5qnY6HZ5R_OEC0FxgYsVgt9qGBhiSAu_CVPPFZ07dARE0tvYVwwozFucMKxp-nvbUh2e7HdXS/s400/Summer+2010+029.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5561079489419179170" border="0" /></a>me and kendra: lagoon. <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhn94Sml0kYsVV_P3XMOPX71pGCvf9PQsfan6KVRdpZXiAeyQw_ZWDLRHS2Vv0MMslj280jAyWkSMy9SbLiXCxkTDXPGjq63e-B_2tRwkKlN9rJ1MR5SKxQ-Cbn3nHnfWU344MLoppz6xrX/s1600/Summer+2010+195.JPG"><img style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 404px; height: 302px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhn94Sml0kYsVV_P3XMOPX71pGCvf9PQsfan6KVRdpZXiAeyQw_ZWDLRHS2Vv0MMslj280jAyWkSMy9SbLiXCxkTDXPGjq63e-B_2tRwkKlN9rJ1MR5SKxQ-Cbn3nHnfWU344MLoppz6xrX/s400/Summer+2010+195.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5561080085305768930" border="0" /></a>girl's camp: me and my girls. :) only the best group ever. mary poppins forever. <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgNh4aRKeaOezkZSdSU4b5NkgodqhBAMRTiz1cSi3e3bnkCnpvfqu0fZNlZkNKhjTXBKiDDsTS68gVQ2xHUVwm23orgHPbakJlgG77noAIyfbZ4TdpmNbSLK0jAwUZKpr7nlxp_-UkbeE_C/s1600/Summer+2010+207.JPG"><img style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 412px; height: 309px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgNh4aRKeaOezkZSdSU4b5NkgodqhBAMRTiz1cSi3e3bnkCnpvfqu0fZNlZkNKhjTXBKiDDsTS68gVQ2xHUVwm23orgHPbakJlgG77noAIyfbZ4TdpmNbSLK0jAwUZKpr7nlxp_-UkbeE_C/s400/Summer+2010+207.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5561080768257677650" border="0" /></a>the fifth of july: spent the day with evan and his family at the freedom festival in provo. me and his sister claire got matching hair, and it totally rocked. <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg840huLHN3dYa7dORHdgjCICjqyjL5VSbxyUYmuRK_4VVLw4LF21iqhcM4lr2OaLl8kzLTaPcCkYKDhdmesHAO_VAuN3hKwjxE_VmMy4Ct8eSy_y649RBqydAvNX0fJnmCtNkmhxxhz-5C/s1600/Summer+2010+001.JPG"><img style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 409px; height: 307px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg840huLHN3dYa7dORHdgjCICjqyjL5VSbxyUYmuRK_4VVLw4LF21iqhcM4lr2OaLl8kzLTaPcCkYKDhdmesHAO_VAuN3hKwjxE_VmMy4Ct8eSy_y649RBqydAvNX0fJnmCtNkmhxxhz-5C/s400/Summer+2010+001.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5561081372680330034" border="0" /></a>girl's night: this is the only picture i had from the time maddy spent here, so it's rather lame. but the point is that my very best friend came to visit me. <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjA6E9H4ttHv2SYhcrjaLhaMFGq7kIXEWFdipF2IYdGy7U_EwePrct7TmWA4l6wAVAurYg5SgP6AKTnfJNysyJdUp2aV92Ax5z2-j7jEbS-IEpxrl-nyNHMysYzaFZ5gN4Go0hIftbhMt5x/s1600/Summer+2010+031.JPG"><img style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 405px; height: 303px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjA6E9H4ttHv2SYhcrjaLhaMFGq7kIXEWFdipF2IYdGy7U_EwePrct7TmWA4l6wAVAurYg5SgP6AKTnfJNysyJdUp2aV92Ax5z2-j7jEbS-IEpxrl-nyNHMysYzaFZ5gN4Go0hIftbhMt5x/s400/Summer+2010+031.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5561082169136494850" border="0" /></a>drive-in: me, sarah, alyssa, caroline, christian, and becca all went to a drive-in theater. life goal? check. <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjPdK8Nh5EkmMzk8Ph6OLXe1BRmQpxChEyf88czRTOfH7NA5TiD6YaBfo55aMqqmj_Ufc2CpRLegoU0NB_ko7HP0af-LcaHN-VA5UYzns8Yjnqk6PjJvpNyfApjEwTlaOiEoxGvBGY5e7Da/s1600/Summer+2010+023.JPG"><img style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 405px; height: 302px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjPdK8Nh5EkmMzk8Ph6OLXe1BRmQpxChEyf88czRTOfH7NA5TiD6YaBfo55aMqqmj_Ufc2CpRLegoU0NB_ko7HP0af-LcaHN-VA5UYzns8Yjnqk6PjJvpNyfApjEwTlaOiEoxGvBGY5e7Da/s400/Summer+2010+023.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5561082757055577778" border="0" /></a>park city: kendra and i had a blast on top of a mountain, among other thinoh look! i found a picture of prom. me and tosh. oh, what a fun time! he's the best.


bird's eye: student council retreat, our attractive photoshoot.

youth conference: june. team "delivery"!

me and kendra: lagoon.

girl's camp: me and my girls. :) only the best group ever. (mary poppins forever.)

the fifth of july: spent the day with evan and his family at the freedom festival in provo. me and his sister claire got matching hair, and it totally rocked.

girl's night: this is the only picture i had from the time maddy spent here, so it's rather lame. but the point is that my very best friend came to visit me.

drive-in: me, sarah, alyssa, caroline, christian, and becca all went to a drive-in theater. life goal? check.

park city: kendra and i had a blast on top of a mountain, among other things.

dixie: leadership conference in st. george. best. council. ever.

first day of senior year. drivin to school in indiana.

evan and i went to the john mayer concert. amazing? heck yeah.


sadie's with christian. we went to the space center for our day date. uh, as cool as you think it is? yeah, it was.

evan took me to homecoming. yes, it was wonderful.

we went and saw ingrid michaelson! oh man, she rocks.

music man. what a fun experience. the lovely pick-a-littles pictured above.

christmas. this is about... 1/3 of our ornaments? maybe half? i don't have awesome pictures of my family on my computer, but know that i spent most of my break relaxing with them. and oh was it good.


okay. so that was long. i'm sorry. thanks for pulling through if you've read this far!

here's the deal. i'm going to start that 30 day thing with my friend shelby tomorrow. ah.

rather than explaining all the thought that went into this decision, just go read her musings about it.

maybe you'll be entertained, i don't know. anyway.

post over.




...p.s. i'm wearing dress #1 :)

change

It can be frustrating.

Good. Bad. Sad. Annoying. Delightful. Heart wrenching. Joyful. [Etc.]

Generally though, I think it tends to be on the bad side. At least, when we hear the word "change" we immediately associate it with a bad connotation. Why? Because we want consistency in our lives, right?

"The most constant thing is change." - President Monson

Pretty smart guy, I think. This sentence seems ironic - change? Well, wouldn't that be the exact opposite of constant? Paradox, my friends.

Change really IS the only thing we can depend on in this life. Because no matter what, time will keep going, the day will turn to night, people will move on, your house will sell, you'll get married, etc. etc. So why do we shy away from change? Life IS change.

But change is different. Change is not comfortable. Change can be hard. Change takes us out of that wonderful bubble, that glorious circle of safety we've been rooted in for who knows how long - a week? A year? Our whole lives? No matter how much we say we accept change and like it, it's always going to be an adjustment. It might be hard. We might be scared.

Change is frightening.

We'd also be nowhere without it.

So I'm grateful for change. Because I'm grateful for progression. I grateful for the things I learn from every experience I have. Comfort does nothing for me.

Change?

Well, it changes me.

coming our way

Fall is in the air.

I can feel it when I step outside - the crisp feeling in the air.
Do you feel it too?
I feel it in the way I suddenly got one of those winter colds.
Outside the window, our pumpkin vines now have spots of orange.

The sunflowers are dying.
The flip flops are going back in the closet.
I can't stay up late anymore due to school.

BUT.

The leaves will be turning soon.
I get to pull out my darling jackets and coats.
And school is actually fun.
Friday night football games.
Sadie Hawkins.
Homecoming.

I love seasons. After living in Arizona for much of my life, I can't tell you how nice it is to live in a state where the weather changes with the passing months. It's no longer hot, hot, a little less hot, perfect, and then hot again. In Utah I get hot, perfect, windy, cold, brisk, freezing, snowy, warming up, perfect, light breezes, and then the cycle starts over again. I get beautiful flowers and bright green grass. Majestic mountains that are splashed with oranges, reds, and yellows. Snow-capped peaks in the winter. The way the snow looks after a storm when it lands on each branch of every tree. Beautiful sunsets and brilliant thunderstorms.

I realized I don't like it when people start getting sick of a season. I did it for a while: "Eww. More snow? When will it ever end?!" But I realized last year that I'm really grateful for the snow. I'm really grateful for the fact that I get to appreciate these seasons again and again. So what if it snows in May? That just makes my life more exciting.

And that's why I'm alright with saying goodbye to summer.

Yeah, it was unbelievable. The best summer I've ever had. Full of friends and pools and camps and family and late nights and movies and adventures like never before.

...But I think this fall has things in store for me too.