trying harder every day.

It's 3 in the morning and I'm writing a blog post, because yes, it's that time of the month again - cleaning checks! Luckily this time I signed up for a much easier job, and poor Sarah continues to slave away in the kitchen, having a similar experience to the one I had a month ago.

But I didn't open this post with the intent of talking about cleaning checks, as thrilling as I know that is for you all to read. I was actually just thinking about my husband.


What caused me to think about this mystery man and write a post about him? I don't know. I suppose it could be a blog post I just read that was written by a loving husband about how much he loves his sweet wife. Or perhaps it was the fact that my roommate and I just watched Sleepless in Seattle. It definitely could have something to do with the past few weeks/months of my life, and the things I've learned.

Whatever it was, tonight my thoughts have turned to my husband, and more importantly, to me as a wife. I say more importantly not because I'm more important, but because that's the part I should be focusing on right now - being the best version of myself.

And most of the time I feel like I fall terribly, miserably short.

Don't we all? I don't say this to get pity from any of you, or to try and belittle myself. To be honest, overall I'm happy with who I am and where I am at this time in life. And that's awesome, but to be satisfied with something to the extent you no longer progress? That can be dangerous.

I know there are so many things in my life I could work on. I should be less selfish, because I expect my future husband to be. I should be a better listener, because I hope my husband is. I should maintain a more positive attitude in daily conundrums because I sure hope my husband will.

The point is, we can always do better. And I don't know about you, but I want to be crazy in love with my husband. The can't-eat, can't-sleep, reach-for-the-stars, over-the-fence, World Series kind of love. I want it to be the million tiny little things that, when you add them all up, mean we're supposed to be together.

And I could write a whole other blog post about how love isn't like the movies (in fact, I think I have), so I know this may sound contradictory. But I truly just hope I'm going to be madly in love with my husband.

Possibly this isn't all fitting together, going from husband talk to self improvement to husband talk again, but it fits in my head. Because I want to be the best version of myself for my husband, wherever he is. I want him to be crazy in love with me too, for all the right reasons.

It's hard when you feel like you're getting close to meeting that special someone, and then you realize that maybe you aren't. That maybe Heavenly Father has other plans for you right now. That maybe you're not quite where you need to be, progression wise, to meet that man. But what awesome motivation, to know that there is a man like that out there - someone who isn't perfect, but is going to be perfect for you.

That's a thought that can keep me going on this path of self improvement, you know? That's something that I'm going to hold on to and treasure and think about.

Because I want to be the kind of person I'm hoping to marry someday.