Friends?

So. I am somewhat ashamed to admit I crumbled my first night of college. You know how I talked about being all ready a few months ago, and then I was super nervous right before I actually moved out? Yes, well it got to me. I cried a lot when I said goodbye to my mom. I was scared. I didn't have any friends*. I didn't know if I'd be able to make decent conversation that wasn't awkward. I've become really talented in the art of awkward conversation, you see. I've become so good at being alone, that I tend to freak out when I have to entertain people. So what if my room was just filled with loads of awkward silence? And what is with all this crazy school stuff? I can't do that. I can't study well. I can't budget my time. I can't figure this out.

Anyway. Such were my thoughts as I walked up to my room with red eyes, throwing away a whole slew of tissues on the way. Then I had a somewhat enjoyable night at the Helaman Halls Carnival. I went home right after while most others stayed and talked and made new friends. It seemed all hope was lost, so I decided it was time to cry again.

Then I read You Are Special, by Max Lucado. It calmed me down and I knew I was loved no matter how many friends I had. I talked to my best friend and sister, Trina, on the phone, and she reminded me that everyone was probably feeling this way. Next door there was probably a girl crying, too. And down the hall a bit someone was probably feeling nervous about everyone they had left behind. It was going to be okay.

I bundled up in my bed, and fell asleep.

You know what the most frustrating part of all of this was? I didn't want to feel that way. I hated feeling that way. Because I knew I had put myself in the same continual rut of self-doubt that I always put myself in. That I'm sure everyone puts themselves in, sometimes.

The next day was filled with orientation goodness. And you know what? I really like my group. They're very cool and very fun. I made good friends with a girl named Hannah. Last night we hung out and played Egyptian Rat Screw.

And then today was even better. I felt confident and happy all day. I loved going to the JFSB and exploring the Humanities College. I grabbed countless fliers and pamphlets and pins and pens. I sat on a bench by a fountain and read poetry and fiction and essays in the shade. I relaxed, and it was lovely. I also just got back from a Bookstore run with some really fun girls in my hall. I think the friendship will last.

So things are good, in summary. And tomorrow will be even better.

I can do hard things.

*Well, except for the hundreds of other Lone Peakers. But I want to make lots of new friends, so that entails not calling them up too often.