One of those times

It's one of those times where you want to crawl in bed and never get up.

Not because life is so incredibly hard, or because you can't possibly finish that paper by midnight, or because you've had 6 midterms in 2 weeks or because times are hard with family.

No, just because it means calm.

It means bundling up in covers and getting toasty and laying your head on that soft pillow.

It means waking up naturally to the sound of birds outside your window and sunshine on your forehead and a complete lack of fist slamming on the snooze button. Because no one likes to wake up to resilient beeping, even when we know we must.

It means putting things on hold and not worrying about laundry or homework or appointments or tests or even relationships.

Those relationships that mean so much to you, the friends and most importantly the family. The importance of the relationship will not be lost, but couldn't it just be placed on hold for a bit? Because a full 9 hours of sleep sounds so peaceful.

It means eating grapefruit all you want and reading a new book.

Or reading an old book, because no matter how many times your eyes see the same words, they never get old. The characters you love will always be there to wrap you up in a warm embrace and give you a minute in a different world.

It means walking around in leggings and fuzzy polka dot socks because they're just so warm and cozy and no one is going to see you, anyway. And besides all that, you like them.

It means getting to bed when you mean to and waking up when you want to because no one needs a shoulder to cry on or a friend to listen.

But then what's the point?

We all want this perfect world completely devoid of worry and selflessness. Because sometimes it feels so much nicer to be selfish. And it feels nice for a bit, but eventually you start to feel sluggish. You start to lose a desire to do anything but watch Harry Potter movies over and over again. Eventually makeup doesn't seem worth it when you're just going to take it off in a few hours anyway. And why make your bed when you'll sleep in it again in a bit? And of course it wouldn't hurt to never touch the floor all day, but stay in that bed of yours.

And time passes and feelings start to change.

And then eventually you really want to put on makeup and do your hair and get dressed up. Because it's worth it for no reason at all. And eventually homework sounds nice and learning is exciting and the backpack fits so perfectly. Eventually you realize that being selfish doesn't work, because that's not how humans find fulfillment. The relationships come back into focus and you realize you miss something you never thought you would.

You miss the late night talks and the Man vs. Wild marathons with friends just because they need someone to sit with for a while. You miss the doing nothing in McDonald's because you're the one with the car and there's nowhere else worthwhile to go at 1 in the morning. You miss the hugs and tears and frustrations and love and hiccups and laughter that hurts your sides. The kind that makes you think you're about to burst from the inside. You miss it.

Because selfish can only last for so long.